I was staring at you from my window across the quad. I wanted to let you know so it's not creepy
Why is there a living, breathing cow on your front porch?
there r dinosaurs outside my house i hear them
pretty sure those are just snow plows....go back to bed
do to the flooding of the park, there will be a midnight bikini mud wrestling party behind my dorm. all are welcome.
I just had a boat ride of shame. With Senior Citizens.
Carry on my wayward bro, there'll be beer when you get low. lay your neon tank to rest, dont you rage no more.
Not sure if he was actually hot or hot in a "he brought a live chicken to the party" kinda way but I got his # regardless
Ecstasy body chair massage shower sex fest this week?
I'm proud of you, you were pretty classy last night, you didn't puke AND you didn't take off your shirt, except for those two times in the corner.
Literally just napped at strip club. Don't know how long
Well at least ssomeone is or the state is tafing over ir in twligiob
Also there's so much vodka on my breath that if I blew on my fingers my nail polish would fall right off
She wouldn't fuck me because I had a cast, so I took her friend home
like, there should be nothing wrong with me wanting to watch you put on a bikini and roll around in a kiddie pool of jello
So I got offered a job this morning based on being a "good role model for girls" and I am drunk at 330 in the afternoon in "celebration." sometimes, life is insane. But not so bad.
Randomize
