this guy at work is bossing me around at work. He is 24 and still has highlights and spikes his hair.
You're getting bossed around by a 1999 Highschool Yearbook picture?
I bet i've been more pregnant than you.
So the waitress at the Chinese Buffet totally just said "Adios" to a Hispanic couple. There's something you don't see every day.
You realize it's finals week?
Ya that's the school's fault. St. Patrick's day came first.
Thanks for not waking me up before the firefighters chopped down my door
I don't remember anything past "we have 15 minutes to drink this keg."
you know you have a brother who cares when he hands you a piece of pizza before you pass out from too many bong hits
I'm on a mission. But just to make out with him so his relationship collapses and he is single when I come back in April.
Pierced my own nipple last night, and yes everyone did go absolutely nuts
Is cereal technically a soup?
Fuck, I'm high.
I think I just found my soul mate...he's wearing a zebra striped onesie and is into Michael Jackson...I'll explain in the morning.
Did you mean to say flashlight? Or did your grandpa really give you a fleshlight for your bday?
I'd rather explain to the cops why I'm naked than why I'm drunk.
Etiquette question... How do you tell your mother that her nipple is out in her fb profile picture?
Drunk me made cabbage burritos at 1am after going to hustler hollywood.\nI bought socks. Lol
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