so pretty much your parents know your seeing a girl on the side, let her come over and just dont say anything to your girlfriend?
barbara walters just said penis...
I just lost $50 at the races, got drunk, and woke up to my ex-gf. Apparently the good decisions kept on rolling...
it was just fiscally responsible to stop going to strip clubs where the strippers recognized me
then my gynecologist said "its like opening up buried treasure"
At one point, you closed your eyes and asked me which 'six flags' we were at
So my mom and I were talking about what I should get you for christmas. She made it clear I cannot get christmas lingerie.
I'm like the big dick whisperer.
Question: have you ever spent your Tuesday evening helping your one-night-stand create a resume? Because I have...
I cannot take an uber back in my costume...can you please come get me?
I’d feel the same about religion. We can talk about it, but I want you to go down on me first
That Spanish guy who looks like Ben Affleck from that club we went to 3 weeks ago is still texting me.. He clearly doesn't remember what I look like.
Can you get an STD by sharing underwear? Walk of shamed home and realized I was wearing someone else’s panties
No one knows. This doesn’t happen to normal people.
How drunk were you? in an effort to seduce him, you demonstrated your lap dance skillz on his dog.
The economy isn’t reopen until I can get drunk and motorboat fake tits at lunch on a Wednesday
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