You spend 45 minutes trying to convince that pregnant girl you were with all night to have sex with you cause 'the worst had already happened.'
St Patricks Day is not the day you decide to have a sober epiphany.
Sleeping with two different guys who share a driveway is getting increasingly challenging to keep secret
judging from the lines on my body they wheeled me back in a shopping cart
I don't know what possessed you to do that, but you have to give the stripper more money before you try to check her oil or they are going to throw us out every time you do that.
I literally just got propositioned by a sugar daddy.
OUR DREAMS ARE BEING REALIZED. THIS IS NOT A DRILL.
I literally have a bandage on my dick that's how bad she is at handjobs
I try new drugs instead of new boys. That way you can't scold me about the importance of condoms
it still weirds me out that Robin Thicke is Alan Thicke's son
Currently playing charity bingo with coworkers so if u were ever gonna send a dick pic now is the time
Come over. And we'll put iced coffee in the bong.
I tried eating pop-rocks while giving him a bj, I honestly think I was more disappointed with the results than he was.
You can't go around chasing people and screaming JUST LET ME LOVE YOU. We're in a public place.
There is a dude with blue hair and a samurai sword and another dude dressed as Dead Pool. I daresay standard social conventions are not applicable in this environment.
Don’t say some truly stupid shit like that to me. In a kitchen. Where the knives are kept
Just do what I do and listen to your vagina. She’ll growl when she smells good dick
Randomize
