i wonder if i could find a boyfriend who would call me big papa
sure if you go to prison
apparently i was just sitting there with my shirt down holding my boobs saying "its ok. its all gonna be ok"
My sister got her picture in the pub crawl section of the paper today and my dad said to me "why can't you be more like her?"
Sometimes you gotta take the crosseyed stripper. fuck it
Too lazy to get out of my bed thats 2 feet away from you. Are you sure youre alright?
I really resent how she stayed home and ruined my plans to watch sci-fi and masturbate.
I'll pay you to write the paper but not for sex. You should only get paid for something you work hard at.
I got my little bro high for the first time... Turns out the two of us stoned together is a mess. We spent 10 minutes trying to communicate with each other using just our eyebrows.
Whoa, I am aware of WAY too many squirrels right now...
It's amazing where one well timed dick pic can get you in life.
Observations from Vegas: #1. Strippers pasties pose a choking hazard. #2. Best. Heimlich. Ever.
My sexual preferences tend to require a degree in psychology to understand
He was more upset that I got into his phone than about getting caught cheating.
Oh. Why can't it be something easy, like a punch card for blowjobs?
Drunk me bought a cell phone last week and began texting sober me. The conversation between the two is still on going.
Randomize
