This kristen chick is fuckin nuts. She's pyscho. She's a trainwreck. She carries baggage. She's... Perfect.
its so hard to text. the buttons are tickling my fingers
Yeah... I was considering changing that part but the boxed wine is non-negotiable.
Note to self glow in the dark nail polish can be quite the mood killer during sex especially when you notice its working for the first time and you stop everything your doing to do spirit fingers
Did you just say he wants to put a baby inside me?
Oh I already celebrated valentine's day. I stayed up until 4 AM listening to biggie, drinking rum, and caressing all my girl curves in front of the mirror. And then I came 3 times.
She woke me up with an urgent call telling me she was rolling on Mollie and swimming in the ocean. I mean that's just great. If she drowns, I'll feel responsible.
im starting to recognize places in this city by where i have drunkenly peed in public
Don't think anyone else in the building has a lunchbox full of yay
Hey there's a sandwich in there too!
If this first date goes well and I like him, I won't sleep with him. But if it doesn't go well, I'll sleep with him.
I will expect an hourly check text to confirm you are alive and that you aren't dead in a ditch somewhere with a hobo dry humping your corpse
I'm starting to think that birthday sex is just an urban legend. Like the boogey man, and woman orgasms.
I can't believe you cupped pat's balls to prove your fake relationship
Wow. I hope you were either doing that in your sleep or blacked out. You threw up then covered yourself in duct tape... i wish i got that on camera
Aiming to get laid tonight but if it falls thru I'm either gonna make a mixtape for my sugar daddy or sew a teddy bear for his newborn
Randomize
