Words of wisdom-never eat a peanut-butter covered banana on a construction site ever again
Opportunity cost of getting to econ after a night on the town > marginal benefit of attending class
I'm so high I feel like I'm pedaling a bicycle but I'm laying on the couch. My body might be vibrating. I made soup.
Vaginas creep me out. I'm disgusted by the look of them. I wonder if this is what having an ugly baby is like: you have to take care of it and love it but it just hurts you on the inside to look at it.
despite the cops showing up at 8am, pre gaming groundhog day was my idea yet. and by pre gaming, i of course mean getting black out drunk by 7:30am
I gave his parents a candle as a thanks for letting me hang out there all the time. Which i guess is more accurately a thanks-for-letting-me-fuck-your-son candle
Florida has a way of just fucking with a person's soul and jizzing all over their hopes and dreams. Like existential bukkake.
cant tell, his cock is acting like one of those inflatable arm waving things outside the market
I literally just smashed open my grade school piggy bank for beer money. Goodbye childhood. Hellllllo coin night.
seriously, i never want to drink Robitussin again. her face was melting as i tried to convince her i wasnt high and i probably would have fucked ray. his parents thought i was a sweet charming lesbian.
This is why you are not allowed out in public.
HOW MANY BOYS NOT ONLY APPROVE OF YOUR PLAN TO BECOME POCAHONTAS, BUT WANT TO MAKE SURE YOU DO IT RIGHT? One, the answer is one, and he is the best and if anyone ever tries to steal him I can assure you they will never be heard from again
you're hired as official boob wrangler
I just tried to pass the bowl to my dog for 2 minutes before I remembered she isn't human. It is 7:27 am.
I just don’t understand what sort of USPS worker wants to take my unitard and sex toys.
That man fucks like a champ. The sex was so good I did him again in the morning just to be sure
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