i guess. but if i can salvage this and still somehow see you naked i feel like that's a win
Another f*ing night of vodka youporn and xanax. I need to get a goddamn life
3 great things that go great together... But not on a Friday night. Perfect on say... a Tuesday.
basically at this point ill snort whatever you put in front of me and just hope
If I die tonight. Just know that chicken I made fuckin ruled. Recipe: Chicken with a shitload oF spice
after we had sex he told me his original plan was to have sex with my roommate but his buddy likes her so i was backup
Whatever, the fact of the matter is that I saved you from poorly planned outdoor sex by doing a rain dance and you should totally thank me.
Threesome in a minivan. New low
The penis is a tricky weapon to use. When using it as leverage you have to make it seem emotional. I'd rather use it as a club sometimes.
Texas State Troopers call you ma'am even when they arrest you for public nudity and after you've puked on their cruiser. Country boys raised right.
I don't want a baby! I JUST WANT AN ORGASM THAT ISN'T SELF INFLICTED.
Question: trumpet bong. Can it work.
I don't want to sleep with anyone. I just want a burrito
I'm actually glad the whole thing's over now. It's exhausting to fake a pregnancy.
Imagine not having to fake it.
Yeah, I should never have kids, probably.
I'm not gonna lie. I need sex like plants need water right now. I just need the dick.
He told his wife he was too old to pretend to be straight. She tried to argue. He walked two tables over and was like this is my highschool sweetheart and he's an excellent fuck, we're running away together. It was epic.
Randomize
