the not having weed thing wouldnt be nearly as tragic if it wasnt the one holiday where they launch bright flaming things into the air
From the crime scene it appears that I attempted to throw up into a candle.
My RA just gave me tips on how to have discreet shower sex. Were we that loud?
We need to either drink and not go to waffle house or go to waffle house and not drink. I need to know which is causing these shits.
The bride says you won't want any of the single ladies...
Let's let the open bar be the judge of that.
You skyped me last night to show me the girl passed out on your bed.
100% of annual heatstroke fatalities are preventable deaths! Don't let it happen to you! Also, you can catch crabs from almost anything! Be safe and have fun.
and everything will be beautiful and nothing will hurt and we will eat nachos
I totally accidentally said "we don't go around hammering girls in the rear" in front of 132 5th graders today.
No, they seem attractive after SIX beers, after three they're just the gender you're looking for.
I don't know, I think having hemorrhoids shows character. You have to be trying pretty hard to get them.
Nothing says "Hello, Adulthood!" quite like receiving a dick photo at 11AM from a guy you haven't heard from since fifth grade.
One sec I was having the time of my life, the next I was shitting water
If we were unicorns we would fly together. Like in a pack. A pack of flying unicorns
Is it sad that the most attractive guy I've come across in a week that's not my professor is the man doing my pedicure?
Randomize
