There really should be an "avoid ghetto" option on my GPS.
he actually proposed, and i threw up on him...i guess 5 glasses of wine was a bad idea.
i just farted in the library and heard some girl yell it was sulfur gas. can. not. move.
i have a picture in my phone of you with a bottle of tequila in your back pocket. i believe you were saying "pocket of champions" or something along those lines
I just found a GIANT thermos of sangria in my sink. I don't know if its still good to drink, but its good to drink.
He needs to respect me before he can fuck me with cat ears on.
Just had that moment when you realize the two drunk women shoving all their money down your clothes were your middle school teachers...
according to last night, I underestimated the size of my mouth and the possibilities of what can fit into it.
I think if wine wasn't a thing I'd give up on life.
I fucked some frat guy. Then I found my brother after and made him take his shirt off and then I made him tell me he loves me
But seriously. What possible excuse could I come up with to ditch my parents on Christmas to go fuck him?
Being sober is boring. Tomorrow I'm def bringing wine and my vibrator to work. Might even booty call that hot guy on floor 5. Making the last week at this job legendary.
I just did the walk of shame in monkey slippers in the snow
Teach me the song of your people
Why am I cleaning the house twerking to anaconda wearing a bears jersey and helmet?
found a note from drunk me saying "don't worry i fed the mice". WHAT MICE?
Randomize
