Just got done shaving my balls. You were right.
did you mean anything you said last night? i just wnna know
no
My roommate found me crawling down the hallway as she was on her way to her morning class. Its time for a new semester.
After waking up today, I would like to find the Jesus preachers on campus to ask for help in asking for forgiveness to God.
My mom just said we needed to put weed into our earthquake kit.
Two hours into move in day and the ambulance is here already.
where's my purse there's an important taco in it
They went to the hospital to try backflips in the parking lot. Be ready for the call
Hey thanks again for rolling me that blunt necklace. It was amazing.
We defiantly won best dressed in the ER tonight
Not much, really baked..... beethoven is AMAZING it's like i'm flying in space with baby jesus
She just told me she had a double jointed jaw and winked at me while eating her bananna. That's not possible right?
We were talking about threesomes when she went to say who she would have as her third. She did not get to finish her sentence because her bf already said my name.My sheer presence destroys relationships.
Im about to get a baby alligator stoned, what are you doing with your life?
No more bourbon. Sleep now. I may die. Pray for me.
Randomize
