My entire life is one complicated drinking game
if she mentions anything about chili and my phone, just go with it
She's making tacos & sangria tonight. I'm sure that's how the pilgrims pregamed.
Drunk me thought he was hot enough to overlook the fact that he had poison ivy and still have sex with him. Sober me wants to know if you have any calamine lotion.
my mom just walked in on me in the shower doing the "ass hair shave" pose.
It feels kinda weird thanking you for sucking my dick, but I just don't know what else to do right now
You were face down in the punch bowl, humming the theme to jaws
That explains the stains on my shirt
Nah, just ran around, pinned random men to walls, bit their lips of and booked it.
I HAVE to find her. I've got a pretty decent pic of her footprint on my headboard. Wonder if I can get one of the podiatry majors to help?
Tell her this is the Disneyland of penises.It's a magical place everyone should visit once in their life.
The internet is out at West Chester so I'm masturbating using my imagination. What is this, the fucking dark ages?
UVE SEEN MY TITS OKAY STOP CRYING
Hahaha. I'm so high, this is gonna be so intense. Even the DVD menu scared the shit out of me.
Just try and act like you're sober
I can't I snorted an anti depressant and he's pouring me tequila shots
I gave in, made out with her, and long story short, I'm giving hetero another try.
Randomize