you're like the ceasar milan of boners... you understand them on a different level.
Ur just texting me random shit. That's what Twitter is for
there's something wrong with the internet when a search for "barney the dinosaur violence" comes up with nothing
I don't know what's worse....that fact that my dog ate my vibrator or that he later puked it up on my bed
Honestly, your dog is in better hands with that homeless guy.
It seems to me that once you begin comparing Jesus to hercules and calling him a super pimp you should put the wine away...
I just realized my mom and I make the same noises when we have sex. Fuck.
I just want him to slap me with his dick and call it love
he went at my nipples like a starved dog.
There is a mobile STD testing unit set up at my place of employment. In the lunchroom. I may need to reevaluate my career choices. And my lunch plans.
I can't feel my tongue. And that means go. Green means go. And you know what Barney says. Green means go and woah means no. DRIIIIINKK
So I was trying to finish off that sick uv whipped and I chased it with yogurt. Not a good idea
Dude. There are selfies on my phone of me, wide-eyed, sucking my pillow. We did NOT split that bag 50/50.
Suffice to say, I think if people ask about your bruises, and you look them right in the eye, and say "they're from fucking...", people would be like, "respect."
sometimes i forget what nice tits i have and then i spend a month brushing my teeth naked in the front of the bathroom mirror, and i remember.
Randomize
