I heard it from a little bird bananas is gonna be there
Is this bird reliable bc I don't wanna be wasted running around the bar asking where bananas is
My birth control alarm gets more depressing every night.
It was great. Even bought me breakfast in the AM
From?
Well, he didn't exactly take me out, but left a $20 on the table...
They are providing beer and having a margarita machine. This cannot be passed up.
How are YOU going to look? Buying 40's on Christmas eve.
booty call birthday vouchers, best idea ever. it's like giving a present to myself for someone else's birthday.
A 40 year old man just put his hands on my thighs and said in these exact words "you're so beautiful and gorgeous and innocent. But life sucks and you'll probably turn into a whore."
Can one of you do me a favor? Light a match and throw it into my room. Bc I'm certain I would rather be burned to death than live in this hell I call my life
Only sluts go out in this weather carpe diem boys
I just don't fit in here. The other wives are ten years older and have kids!
Well, you chose trophy wife of a 35 year old over college. Sit in your suburban soup and stew.
Red flag bro. Her only friends are barflys and a teen with a fake ID
Seriously, it's 5am. STOP CREEPIN and START SLEEPIN!
That tampon felt like a stick in my vagina, I am never making a drunken tampon choice again. Friends don't let friends choose tampons drunk.
The impromptu 'dance party' was just three white dudes flailing arrhythmically in the kitchen in absolute silence. Stone cold sober.
You'd think it'd be fun living next door to a guy whose neck you once licked. Surprise, it's not.
Randomize
