I wish a night of watching Dear John and a bottle of wine could cure my herpes.
Do you how many people I've successfully loaded into a Mazda Miata? Six. Six people. How? Strategically.
Woke up with a migrane, threw up blood, then my headache went away. I'm going to convince myself that it was just a bad batch of blood so I can drink again tonight
high in an attic. pig roast in 10.
Duuuude. Everything is so brilliant right now. This frosting is freaking orgasmic.
It's vanilla, man. Accept no substitutes. There are so many t's in that word.
All i remember about last night is holding a bottle of bacardi and screaming challenge accepted!
I'm going to keep a tally of how many lives I ruin this summer. Starting today.
Already at 3 and it's not even noon.
I seriously had to check my phone this morning to make sure I didn't agree to any strange sexual favors.
I know you all think its cute to drop me off in a different state when I black out, but I can't wake up in family campgrounds asking where I am. These parents are scared.
My roommate is downstairs drunk, smoking, and listening to a self help DVD. Please dear God don't let this be the Ghost of Christmas Future.
Did you survive the Atlanta roadway snowpocalypse?
All the bars are closed. Might as well be dead.
It's like my uterus needs a hug... and anti depressants
I am 95% sure I just heard my cat say "What are you doing home? It's Saturday night."
Your bf is wearing nothing but a cape, I mean absolutely NOTHING but a cape. I know you said he looks like Thor but this is getting a bit ridiculous.
Good morning 7am walk of shame. It's been awhile.
Randomize
