yo everyone went to the hospital last night
I think throwing up in my her purse is probably why we broke up
I should go buy the economy size box of condoms and sprinkle a path like rose petals to my bed... Think he'd get the hint?
At what point did we decide It was a good idea t have a wheelbarrow race in the parking lot?
Oh, I'm just lighting tennis balls and WD-40 on fire, what are YOUUU doing?!
I told my dad my stomach hurt and he bet me ten bucks I couldn't throw up on command. He has no idea what I did last night and I got ten bucks.
Hey I'm not sure why your jacket's covered in maple syrup but I just realized you didn't leave the house earlier wearing a jacket...
New BDSM fun fact. When you get spanked hard enough with a flat object, you get welts. Welcome to thunderdome, bitches.
Dude, all I know is that I came out of this thing wearing a snorkel mask and completely covered in glitter and soap.
Brunch got away from me. I might be a little high.
Did you high five my face last night?
Yes. Yes I did.
he went down on me while I ate Oreos. I don't know what caused the orgasm.
Straight up last night my mom was like josh you need to find a job that doesn't include the selling or transporting of drugs
I need mimosas to revive my soul
She never came back from the bathroom so I went to look for her... I was in my room and heard this rustling. And she was in my closet petting ties.
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