I know right? mind you this is the same woman who told me when I was 12 that oral sex just meant talking dirty
we need blinds so i can safely watch porn during the day
just left the emergency room. condom extraction.
It was some time between the gurgles of her blowing me to us throwing up in the same bucket afterwards that I realized we would be doing this a lot.
he had a dikembe mutombo jersey on, was swatting peoples drinks out of their hand and wagging his finger in their face everytime he did it.
He just referred to his foreskin as a snuggie. Help.
She just licked her nipple in public to get a free bar tab.
Ya, found out why there were rat traps in my bed. Guess I pissed in Sams room so he went to the store and got them and put them on my bed and put tabasco in his humidifier and put it in my room
Dude he's your dog he doesn't love me more than you. I'm just like that cool uncle that takes him to burger king and to see girls.
It's like being the highest you've ever been, then doing about 20 shots, and chasing them with lines of coke. All while laying on the surface of the sun.
He knew exactly who I'd slept with after just one look at my crotch. He's like the Sherlock Holmes of cocks.
Yeah I just don't know how I feel about my fuck buddy coming to work at my dads office with me.
Also I've been at work for an hour and I've already been "honey"d "babe"d and "beautiful"d by three separate men. Apparently hungover with yesterdays make up looks good on me.
Can I chase this vodka with an onion?
You literally just told me you're ditching me because of pizza. PIZZA? Wow.
Randomize