I just accidently deleted 60 gigs of porn from my external hard drive. Thats over 300 pornos! I think im gonna cry.
Im surprised that you are even able to text me right now.
You can't have hate sex in a hallway!!
one more question, do you know why i woke up with 5 pounds of quarters, nickels and dimes in my pocket?
i had a headache and asked the kid next to me for aspirin. he gave me esctacy instead. gotta love college.
I shall celebrate this moment with a beer conveniently located in the sock drawer directly to the right of me.
woke up with ski boots on and a kayak in my room... birthday successful? i'd say so
Soo I have a handle of 100 proof captain, cupcakes, and nothing to get up for in the morning.. This blizzard is shaping up to be a great night.
Sneezing blood is a good thing right? Medically speaking.
They ran out of ice at the party, so I fixed my drink with frozen broccoli....the show must go on!
I'm not saying I'm drunk, but I'm definitely saying my liver has its work cut out for it.
He had "Bad Bitches Only" tattooed above his dick. I don't know his name but I hope I find him again. I also don't feel that I lived up to the challenge.
I just got the high sucked out of me. Fuck.
The most awkward thing in the morning is seeing your teacher's dick right before you go to his class.
Whats spookier? Halloween or waking up to a drunk text from your ex telling you how awesome you are at 2am
How are they?
Amazing! These new boobs are going to break blouse buttons and wedding vows!
Randomize
