just got out of a noise viloation because the cop recognized my roomate as his favorite chipotle burrito roller. just another reason I love ritos
four days late. damn you, makeup sex. you win again.
you wanted the guy to gift wrap the condoms
As a matter of fact you told me i fulfilled your "woodshop teacher fantasy"
while we were dancing I voluntarily took my bra off and hung it around his neck as a necklace. 2011 lets go
no i decided against it. savin my coke binge for finals week.
We're celebrating his weight gain and arrest.and by we I mean I, and by celebrating I mean getting dangerously drunk
All I could think of during that funeral was how great I look in a suit, how creepy catholics are, and how horny I am.
Doing the walk of shame and bringing my dad a newspaper en route. Favourite daughter status confirmed.
Made a pinky promise to a lesbian on crack in WeHo. No one knows what I promised
He has a bathrroom scale in his room with an alarm attached to it so anything over 150 sets it off and in his drinking stupper he can make a run for it.
It's always great when the guy I get pills from sends me an email that says "I know you will get clean it's going to be hard but I know you can do it"
do you ever look at a card in your wallet and reminisce about all of the drugs youve done with it?
Like Napoleon Dynamite?
Exactly like Napoleon Dynamite
But with bacon.
Trust me, I’ve got a sixth sense about dicks that tells me if a guy knows how to fuck and it’s tingling. You need to prove me right!
I’m not going to bang him just to confirm your Dickth Sense
The Dickth Sense!!! I love it! It’ll be our first porno!
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