Can we have unprotected sex soon?
Don't quote me on that, I'm a walking boner
Just so you know I would totally fuck you. Does that count as a feeling?
Dude I think my special talent is falling in drunkenly falling in front of a cop and getting away. This is the second time.
You need to get over here. I think the drunks are about to sacrifice a chicken to the beer gods. Or a freshman. Stay tuned.
I can't talk to her. I know entirely too much about her genitals to hold a conversation without mentioning them.
There is a glee sing along. It's on random and they know them all. Like, the specific glee timings and pauses. I need to leave. I need to escape
Ran out of plates, so I'm using my sociology notes. Looks like they will finally have a practical use.
Wanna play whack-a-mole in my pants?
Your word choices worry me.
Can I use your baby to go shoplifting?
She had never heard the term "grundle" before. Classiest girl I've met in months
WHERE THE FUCK IS MY ARM DO YOU HAVE ANY IDEA HOW DIFFICULT IS IS TO TYPE WITH ONE HAND
What's with guys asking if I wanna "kick it" like I'm some fucking 19 year old
we promised ourselves we wouldn't get too drunk, and what happens? I wake up the next morning with half a mcdouble in one pocket and some barbie clothes in the other.
Dammit. the window insulation sheets are too small for my windows. Yet again I am disappointed by size
When have you ever know me to go too far?
Besides the alcoholism, the HR issues, and getting fired from Best Buy for tackling a display?
Yeah. Besides those.
Randomize
