Dude! wtf happend last nite? I woke up with 2 black eyes and a head ache
You stepped off the curb and face planted the road...twice
Why didnt you hold me up....and why a second time?
I helped you up but figured it was wayy funnier to watch you fall again then lose my buzz....
I swallowed your vile semen and you don't know what color my fucking eyes are!?
I got drunk and smashed his tv with the keg and so he blames me for being evicted.
He deserves to hear about your Vagina Shrooms
Its official. Iv'e been kicked out of a bar in every state. I would like to take my job and travel time for allowing this to happen.
i cant wait to be back in my element of drunk, on a barstool, ive missed home
i refuse to be around anyone not wearing a sombrero...its cinco de mayo
Hot freshmen.....hot freshmen chicks everywhere
You say this every welcome week, bro.
Balls deep in an Orange is the New Black marathon. Bring food and drugs.
I've now spilled wine and got poptarts all over my cast. So much for my doc taking me seriously...
This was the first time I've ever pushed myself until I vomited. Sorry, random couple laying on a dock at 8:30am. I would have picked a better spot so you didn't have to watch/listen to me vomit, but you guys were being MAD quiet. I had no idea you were there.
Goddamn it Peter ur the only person i know who can make going down on a girl a competition.
She won. Twice.
Tbh.. I hope he still watches our sex tapes so he can be reminded of what he's missing out
Just spilled beer all over my bed. Should cut myself off, but instead I just took my shirt off and used it as a towel.
it was awkward when he was taking off my clothes and i had to help him undo my fanny pack
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