I dont like him- his parents were home and he hid me in his closet like anne frank
so apparently the car got towed with me passed out in the back seat.
You were fucked up like a footballbat trying to eat gum off your shoe. And that wasn't even the nights lowest point.
Idk tell her to wear something sluttty. I have that one skirt I got arrested in if she wants to borrow?
It's a good cause. For your vagina.
I'm holding onto the sink for dear life. Pretty sure if Iet go I'll turn into a shit propelled man rocket.
I'm going to text my booty call and tell him nevermind, that I got the job finished by myself. That will teach him to text back faster.
This lesson is brought you by a psychology class.
In the 2nd smartest move of my day your ringtone for when you call is now the Space Jam theme.
I hooked up with a blind guy last night... he's clapping in order to find his way around our apartment
I woke up while eating peanut butter from a jar. I don't think I should be social today.
Yes dating, but it seems easier to just live in a perpetual state of Netflix, internet porn, and cheese.
I ripped off the screen and literally supermaned through my bedroom window. That wasted
have no fear, swaggie olivia is here to bring glorious gifts and horse dick to children
I needed to pee, so I climbed out his window
How are you and your magical vagina doing today?
Randomize
