you used to get mad at me for mentioning 'unprotected sex' and happenings in my bed
well yeah, but then i realized the wisdom of your ways.
I just ate an adderall and jelly sandwich in front of my mom. Homework time!
I'm outside your house...sorry I feel like I don't need formal invites anymore.
masturbating is 5million times harder to finish knowing grandma is in the guestroom downstairs. just so you know.
tell me how i ended up in the movie theater alone with a bottle of smirnoff and a bendy straw.
Just because its your birthday does not mean u can play quarters by dropping quarters into cups to make me drink.
Wow. I grabbed the wrong container to rinse my contacts- it was a beer. And it comes out waaaay faster than saline.
You screamed "I NEED TO GET THE WHOLE SET!" and then proceeded to try touching everyone's balls in the room
An image of us stuck like that like Pompeii comes to mind. A wonder for future anthropologists
He walked straight into the wall, said "excuse me ma'am" and continued back to his dorm room.
You couldn't remember her number so you tried to dial her name into your phone. Once you realized you didn't know her name, you dialed 7 random numbers
So, it's been almost 3 months and and I still dont know her last name. That's gotta be a record.
My walk of shame turned into having to get his dad to tow my best friends car out of the snowbank in his driveway
Idk what I'm more afraid of...checking my bank account or my STD results.
I can't believe my vagina just got wished happy new year
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