wtf he couldnt undo my bra, i asked him if it was his first time and he said "with a girl? yeah"
is it bad that i think of my life in terms of the sims? like when i'm hitting it off with someone, i really wish a plus sign would appear above my head. and when i throw up from drinking way too much, a minus sign.
I feel like my life has just been one 21 year long episode of "i shouldn't be alive"
I got 70 on my final, or put differently, I got a "still graduating" on my final.
Honestly, it was easier to just put it in my mouth than to deal with an awkward conversation.
i watched you ride a mechanical penis. nothing is awkward between us anymore.
He said last night that he'd never had such a great conversation and such a great handjob at the same time.
The kid in the park, who was on a leash I might add, looked at us and yelled "stranger danger" before hiding behind his dad
We are hot boxing the gondola
I hate everything.
Cops on bikes. I think I can outrun them.
Its not even real halloween yet. This extremely toxic yet briliant costume is going to kill me
The amount of knuckle children I've had to the Farrah Abraham sex tape is disturbing and impressive
Fucking adderall I just talked at the security guard for 90 minutes
I can guarantee he will smoke me out and I won't feel bad about it because he gets to touch my butt.
Just found a rebirth in peppermint schnapps. May be able to stay up all night and finish this paper after all. MERRY CHRISTMAS
Randomize