You know, as long as there were ice cream breaks, I would totally eat chips for a living.
I have to start avoiding pregnant women. This is getting out of hand.
can't decide if i want to get drunk or coked for this harry potter thing.. it is kind of long
aren't you going with children?
I'm way too drunk on a Sunday to handle this level of Jesus.
Seriously. He was just sitting there naked in the dark with a boner pissed that I came home late.
She was knocking on the tree demanding to be let in
my 3 favorite things in life are tequila, dicks, and making sandwiches. that DOES NOT make me a bad person.
Given my current decline of critical thinking and capacity for speech it's probably best u call the cops
I mean it's my life so what if i want to drink Molson from my sparkly shoes and not regret anything
When everyone ask you tomorrow go ahead and tell them I'm the girl that fell of safe ride and was all bloody.
Black out Jordan is making huge strides. I didn't even pee on anyone or anything last night.
So our trip to Disney World ended in the three of us stripping at a gay club in orlando.
I wish I could be happy with a nice Christian girl, but no, I need a hot mess who starts bar fights
that moment you remember partying with someone several years ago.. and don't remember if you slept with them or not.
I was so high last night that at one point I kept licking his neck saying he tasted like soap and truffles.
Randomize
