was it more than 30 minutes?
ya
then you're in a relationship
Used tampon in my purse. That from you?
I came out of bedroom with my jeans on backwards, zipped AND buttoned. I have inconceivable talents whilst intoxicated.
He keeps trying to sell me the forks from his kitchen drawer
My fave moment of today was you sitting in a hot pink innertube puking into the ocean in front of a lot of children. i would have held your hair back but the ocean did it for you.
she was sobbing drunk in the backseat about her dead cat and how the guy in the front seat didn't want to hook up with her
I'm sitting by myself in my bra eating a waffle and drinking pineapple rum. gamedaaaayyyyyyy
He's in bed with me right now. I'm wearing a towel and all I could wish for is my freedom. And pizza.
I think she's going to be dangerous to drink with, but I'm ready for the adventure.
I got a letter from the home owners association saying its against policy to have sex on the trampoline.
I just can't do Wednesdays sober anymore
lol I'll trade you jello for a tampon
what a trade!
Dude I think the cat just licked the coke plate
Guy just walked in with a 40 and a Honda steering wheel. Where the fuck am I?
Who did he bring home?
Idk. But did you see her shoe choice by the stairs, I'm really not expecting anything great.
Randomize
