I just accidently tagged myself in the picture of the 16 year olds spreading their legs in bikinis. Failure.
It was one of those "I have no idea if this will ever happen again so I can't say no" opprotunities. Part of me was like, "You slut" and the bigger part was screaming, "Hell yeah"
Also I smoked away my sore throat last night. It's a 420 miracle.
She made a roadhead CD. Can I marry her?
The president of the frat said he was honored to award me "Best Overall Blow Jobs", free admission to all their future parties, and a $20 gift certificate to Denny's. I'm not sure if I feel proud or if that's just the burrito coming back up...
Also, what are the symptoms of syphilis?
You should imdb "mourning wood" to see what I'm doing with my $80,000 English degree today
hurry up this bar wont let me order big pitchers of beer for just myself
Glad I can drunkenly remember to not get tomatoes on my Mexican pizza but can't tell a guy to keep his hands off my ass
Does sweetest day count when you're spending it with your fuck buddy, high and eating Pizza Hut?
Sorry I twat blocked you earlier I didn't know Sam was over. But, my house my rules, I don't have to knock before I enter. I did see naked butts and smelt "Sex Stank" in the air, we're going to have to set some ground rules when I get home. Hugs and kisses..Mom
I have 3 vacation days left and I'm guarding them like a gay dragon on a pile of gold dildos molded after celebrities.
Smaug the FABULOUS
I dont even know what happened i just remember waking up with beer cans outlining my body...
Holy shit dude........stairs
you came home and ate 12 bananas. you really didnt think mom would know you were high?
Apparently I drunkenly told him I was going to ride him to the rodeo and break him like a bronco, then I stole his nachos and beer. Adulting is hard!!!
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