I've slept with so many tools that you'd think my pussy was Home Depot.
I found my laptop, credit card, and a bottle of Morgan all on the counter this morning. I'm scared to see what gets delivered to my house this week.
no you cant smoke seaweed
My dora the explorer band aid does not cover up the shame i feel right now
he made me have a moment of silence for the half of my ice cream cone i threw away.
i feel sorry that you can never enjoy the feeling of shaved balls
So I saw the nuva ring just lying on the counter at Planned Parenthood...did u know it's just a ring? I could go to the Dollar tree buy a plastic bracelet and shove it up there instead.
You do that. Then go have lots of unprotected with your harem of booty calls and see how that works out for you.
The bouncer was being really rude for no reason. Steph PICKED him up and physically MOVED him from our path on the way out.
Well thats the pro of going out drinking with a pro body builder. Even if its a girl.
You got into a heated argument about Frankenstein's intelligence while double fisting burritos from taco bell.
I don't know how I'm going to know it's her, I only know what she looks like with a wig on
SHE COULD ALREADY BE HERE AND I WOULDN'T EVEN KNOW
You know what's even more awkward then buying plan b from someone who is a member at the gym you work at... When they come in after that day and have that look of recognition
I just gave my mom some ones that look like they've probably been in some strippers cooter. Oops.
Haha. Just tell your mom not to smell them
Hey mom, most of this money I'm giving you is in ones. Don't ask why and whatever you do don't smell them.
Sounds legit to me.
He's only done it missionary. His world is about to be rocked. Do you know what I look like from behind?
I got into the shower with my underwear on. I just sat down in the tub and tried to figure out when I lost all control of this hangover.
hopefully I won't be diving through a thorn bush to escape an explosion this time
Randomize
