I just saw a guy give a mop to his fat wife and say "Look, an exercise stick!"
i was having this nice romantic moment with my girlfriend. then jimmy came in and peed on the fridge
i didnt like the question options for my yahoo account..so i made up the question and it was "favorite bathroom to shit in"
I just said that Oprah is crazy and like 5 fat white girls jumped down my throat. I sat back and smiled.
They peed on our pledges last night... i dont know if i should put an lol at the end of that or not
I mean I gotta puke to be skinny, wax to be hairless, and drink to be fun. Life isn't easy.
Do any of you want to be on a three way call with me while this girl masturbates in 10 min? You can't talk
I'm taking stock of m life as of right now and my Friday night plans are to drink a 30 rack by myself so I can have a tv stand when it is finished
When's a good time to tell your boyfriend you've slept with his ex girlfriend?
She didn't need to know her brother was thrown out of a bar for getting head on the dance floor. You're a shit head.
Basically, what i'm trying to say is, if you don't have something, excuse or gift, to satisfy my anger i am going to look you in the eye and piss on the floor.
Listen, unless you want to spend your birthday in a trunk, you better invite me
I can't wait to shower all this regret off of me
I can feel your judgement through the phone
Why am I a human magnet for the worst dicks of the world?
Randomize
