Yeah. I woke up naked in his bed this morning and remember saying "Get a condom cuz I can't afford an abortion right now" last night. He didn't run. He's a keeper
Small penises have feelings too.
This is the last time I call a hotel to see if you or some random guy paid for the room last night.
she keeps The Day After Pill in her bra... there is a God.
she was puking into the toilet drowning herself saying "its okay im a swimmer"
walmarts paint section shouldnt be open at 3am
Me and this 7 year old almost finished a large pizza. And when I say me and this 7 year old I really mean me.
I don't listen when you talk. I just try to find new creative ways to get you to send me naked pictures.
What's the standard Christmas present for six months of booty calls?
Mobile recharge?
Well, when you bump into your parents at a swingers meetup, it's time to change cities
It's midsummers eve. A.k.a. come over so we can get drunk and wear leaf crowns
Nothing kills the mood quicker than kneeing him in the face during sex
Sorry for throwing up in your humidifier last night, I thought it was some sort of electrical garbage can
I need to stop being so honest when I'm drunk. I got proposed to by a stranger again last night. It's not my fault that I would be perfectly ok making sandwiches and giving blow jobs for the rest of my life.
Remeber when we went camping and fucked those two guys? Yeah me either but I'm covered in poison oak so I'm guessing it's from that.
Randomize