she was wearing a cheetah print one-piece and i slept with her anyway. big mistake.
I was being carried out of the bar, but then my friend saw Pat who just got kicked out scaling the wall to sneak back in, so he carried me back in, sat me on the bar stool, and the bartender just let us all keep drinking.
Being persistent has its perks my friend.
tell ils to like buy her flowers and like a balloon that says, sorry I tried to fuck your sister. I think hallmark makes some of those cards too.
And for 6 straight hours, I laid on my bedroom floor trying to convince myself it would perfectly acceptable to pee on my own floor
I had a party to get rid of booze. Woke up with even more. Will do this till I can open a liquor store
I had a great penis washing session in the sink before I left. Washed off all the bar and green beer
His blow is so strong I threw up. Buy it. I'm in nursing school I know what I'm talking about.
All the girls at the party had American flag thongs on... Pretty impressed with coordination seeing as how impromptu this event was
If it carries over into the weekend I would be glad to nurse your vagina back to health.
can we get vodka so I have an excuse for being an emotional wreck
He was all like, "I think ur the one that got away and I miss you." I replied, "I gave u a hand job once in your hot tub. No need to wax nostalgic about it."
I shit you not. I was sitting on Brian's balcony...still drunk from the night before, and a hummingbird flew onto the patio, stared me right in the face and flew away. I feel like it was God's way of telling me, "Stop drinking."
Didn't know where your dishes went. Put em in the bathtub. They're stacked taller than you. It's like modern art.
Sometimes I look at her and just start choking. She is that much of an evil entity.
DO I FUCKING *LOOK* LIKE SOMEONE WHO HAS THEIR ACT TOGETHER!?!? THE ANSWER IS "NO"!
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