it was like playing where's waldo with your underwear
watching jon and kate + 8 right now is like watching my parents split up
well, atleast the road to alcoholism is fun.
It's a pity Stephen Hawking can't do sarcasm.
She gave me a foot massage with her tongue. I think we're both scarred for life.
By the way, turns out "Danny B" is his penis. Not his cousin. I was right.
The maintenance guy asked for a box to stand on to reach the ceiling. All I could offer him was a keg.
Also, I might need your help for a prank involving a hand puppet, a coke bottle, double-sided tape, and my dick...
I'm pretty sure the guy in front of me at Walmart doesn't have good plans. It's one am he is buying a flash light and black bandanna
Also, I've finally come to the point in the relationship when having sex with socks on is ok.
I'm pretty sure the guy who was grinding on me while I was trying to get a drink at he bar was one of my tinder matches
There needs to be a greeting card for "I miss having sex and smoking weed with you."
I don't want to date him...I just want him to cheat on his girlfriend with me.
You had a good week dude, you bought a motorcycle and a beer bong with ur parents money, missed 2 classes, and ran from security twice, good first 2 days to college
hey im sorry i made fun of the color of your sheets, but like it was all i could focus on during sex because they were just THAT UGLY
Randomize
