I just accidentally handed the ticket lady a condom instead of the intended ticket. I am now the official whore of Harry Potter.
So i told my advisor i had to drop the class bc the prof said "supposably" and "irregardless" within the 1st 10 minutes of the 1st class; she agreed with me that dropping it was the best choice
I gave him a handjob while watching the presidential address. Needless to say, it was weird.
my life is one jail cell away from being a bad country music song.
At what point in your drunken state would you actually believe that the cops wanted to party with you?
I've made friends with the guy dressed as a gorilla that was chasing the guy dressed as a banana around with a super soaker full of vodka. I feel this will be a good relationship for me.
To tired for the bar. Came home and drank wine out of the bottle. Kind of don't want to know what that says about my life.
Smoked a blunt with a girl i met at the bus stop today. What you did today is irrelevant
Girl it's 3:30 get your life together and come enjoy a bowl, some coffee and a brownie with me
Just recreated a sandwich from the caf in my own kitchen. Graduation denial at it's finest.
Who'd have thought a guy with a lisp would be so good with his tongue?
The secret to finals week is to have an orgasm for every point you need on the test before you take it.
just saw a kid get pissed on buy a tiger at the zoo. His dad is rofling and the kid is crying. I think I have to go make a new friend
We have angered the beer gods. It feels like I'm shitting angry cats.
besides the unzipped fly, the black eye and the toilet paper on your shoe you looked really sexy today baby!
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