You would DIE at the bar we're at right now. All indian/asian med students, I swear
Asian doctor ratio. So hot. I would've gone into heat
a guy in a toll booth on I-90 told me to fuck off for not being a red sox fan. i am going to miss massachusetts very much.
hahahahaha your sister just walked down from the guest house with a stain on the front of her shirt and "owned" written in blue sharpie on her forehead. i dont think she knows what happened last night either.
It's like my work doesn't even care about margarita mondays.
Dude. Apparently I just smoked some stuff that's used for Nigerian spirit quests.
Found out I slept with someone who likes Pitbull. I really should get to know someone better before I sleep with them.
I AM CRUING IT IS 93:2 AM AND I AM CYGIN INT BED
Today's goal is to get out of bed, before I take a shit. This might be hard
Pass or fail tho
As I read your response saying I need a tan before I can become a go-go dancer, a girl cane up to work and gave me 10 coupons for 100 days of tanning for a dollar.
This is fate. You were destined to be a stripper.
You very well can't change your mind now. It would upset the natural flow of life.
We played Rock Paper Scissors to see who would have to go down on the other person.
Was having relations of the behind variety with my girlfriend. Based on where we were at I could see myself in the bathroom mirror. You know I did the Patrick Bateman point and wink at the mirror and turned on sissudio by Phil Collins.
you licked my face then when I finally got you to the bathroom, mid puke you said you liked the taste of my foundation.....you weren't drunk at all....
What's your opinion on eating ass? Just looking for a yes or no
I'm currently in a U-Haul truck right now. Going to a party. I hate myself.
just to let you know, that was probably the funniest text i've ever received.
I suppose that kind of helps fill the void where my self respect used to be.
Hey I need you to run the morning meeting, for reasons I can explain when I find out where I left my car
Randomize
