and when i put it inside her she yelled "welcome aboard!"
listen. just hotwire a car, take off the license plate, make up a new one on a sheet of paper and go the speed limit. i do it like, at least 3x a week.
Oh my god. I just envisioned myself eating panda meat. I need to get out of this class.
k so who do I think I'm kidding applying to culinary school? I just fucked up a microwaveable pizza
The preggo girl brought her pet chipmunk to class today. fyi.
I think im definitely allergic to shell fish. Or hungover. Probably both.
We realized he wasn't with us anymore, so we turn around and he's 20 feet back, peeing on a squirrel.
Did you rob me and blame it on the strippers?
I think the last straw was when you put on ice skates to go across the waxed wooden floor.
Please come over, I'm slowly melting into a ball of sexual frustration. If I'm not dead by the end of the day be very surprised.
He's not letting me leave till I cum. I am a hostage to my own vagina
Other than my penis smelling like an ashtray, it went really well.
I have need of you to return home with haste, as I require the magical capsules you possess to relieve the posterior pain I am living. I battle this demon with stubborn grit, however I feel that defeat is on the horizon.
We ran out of toilet paper so Ive been using coffee filters
As soon as he called me 'darling' in that Scottish accent... my pants just dropped.
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