i wish there was a holiday celebrated with pizza eating
In Denver there are more bars per capita than any other city also the healthiest city. That means lots of drunk girls and no fatties.
Then they all walked away with the drinks I bought them, and the fat one slapped me in the face. I left and my car had been towed. Worst night ever.
STOP CALLING ME LADY CHLAMYDIA
I need to find my pants, a way out of here, and a cheeseburger.
Look at my eyebrows in this pic! We deffo need to go back to that waxing place.
You have a cock in one hand and a shot in the other. Your eyebrows are not the topic in need of discussion.
I had to help some 40 year old women shoot down some 21 year old who called her his "milf fantasy"
Tiny.
I mean tony. It's like autocorrect knows he wasn't well endowed.
I need to ask my mom where the drain cleaner is, but I'm afraid she'll ask why and the answer to that will just be "cum."
Why do I have a bunch of cash....and your bra.
I cried at the bar for 30 minutes because I got my arm stuck in my sweater. I got free drinks for the rest of the night after the bartender helped me.
I got my nipples pierced. If you haven't seen my boobs in the past week, you're among the minority
I'M SORRY THIS WAS SEXTING AND I MADE IT SERIOUS.
He held my hair back for me while i vomited in my driveway last night and i repayed him by farting mid-heave.
I got dominos and had to stop whilst eating and take a moment of silence for how good it was
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