I cant go down on him yet. All ive had to eat is olives and percocet. semen would only add to tomorow mornings discomfort.
I have just two goals for this NYE. 1) get so drunk that every guy looks like Clive Owen 2) make out with as many Clive's as possible.
had to go back to that apartment this morning to get my other boot. it was tacked to the wall
Saw on the news tonight that Hamilton county's syphilis rate is 9x the national average...use protection!
Thanks, mom.
I'm thinking blowjobs and wheelchair sex should be part of any post-injury wellness plan.
I like how zombie Abe Lincoln and hooking up with a girl were on your same thought process.
I don't know, but I assume drunk me had her reasons. I trust her judgement.
I just plagiarized Dr. Curtis Connor's ideology from Spider-man in an essay on genetically engineered embryos. College: academic integrity at its finest.
Drinking hard cider in a room full of freshman girls. Never felt so secure of my manhood
I probably wouldn't
My dad is blowing up my phone with pictures from the midget wrestling match.
Currently looking up Winnie-the-Pooh porn.
This friendship isnt goin to work if you dont respond to my drunk texts
Kay so its 9 am whose dumbass is gunna act sober to buy pizza rolls
Dude you promised
He put on star wars porn, i thought it was hilarious last night but now i'm wondering why he has star wars porn
That ass isn’t going to eat itself.
Randomize
