I envy your ability to put any word in front o the word beer and make drinking before 5 sound like a socially sanctioned event.
Im like a co-bf. he pays for her birthday and christmas, but i get all the action.
win or lose for butler, i'm still masturbating to brad stevens tonight
I spent an hour trying to convert bar outfits to church outfits. Its hard.
Drunkenly bought a $240 realtor course last night. Apparently even drunk me thinks my future is going nowhere
I just won a riveting game of "who can drink the most vodka out of a hollowed out watermelon". Fucking New Yorkers.
So what's today's forecast for the female rollercoaster you've been riding?
Most senic walk of shame ever. This is why you go to school in Hawaii.
To be clear, the next time I wake up with your dick inside me, I will reach down and grab one and squeeze until it pops like a grape. You've been warned.
All I want to do is sleep. And If I'm not sleeping, I want to be eating or fucking. I'm pretty sure being pregnant has turned me into a dude.
We got hammered last night and I woke up this morning with texts from 'iron maiden chick.' wtf?
It's Been a while since I puked in vomit bush. I hope it doesn't feel neglected
she hacked my macbook and downloaded an illegal version of the original pokemon red, completely nude in my computer chair. there were several levels of hornyness existing all at once
I have a terrible feeling that I made out with a fraternity last night
So many questions...the two most important are, where the fuck is my booze and how did you even get the couch through the door?
Randomize
