I'm at the bar with Ashley what should I do?
humiliate her
I wish they made sweatshirts for legs
you mean pants?
Is my tampon string too long for this dress?
Do NOT cum in me, on me, or in my bed.
I think I just puked all over my comforter and my roomdmate won't wakt up to washc it for me
So apparently I shook her hand very polite, said weiner and walked away
She washed lettuce and peppers in the shower and proceeded to make a salad
He has a really nice penis but its like a model that wasn't built to scale
I kno. She bruised her chin trying to swim thru the hardwood floor.
He gave me his business card. It was a Justin Bieber trading card with his number written in sharpie. I have to call him don't I?
We officially wrote our house rules 1. We do not waste alcohol 2. Pinky promises mean something 3. Don't leave your facebook open, and if you do, don't complain 4. Never refuse cuddle or catch phrase
What can I say? I like my food like I like my women, not entirely fucked by our contemporary world.
I found a half-finished mass text from my California weekend that said "things I want to rape: you, things, stuff, and le"
I just got nudes while talking in the third person. Not sure if I Should be proud or ashamed.
We had sex to Hey Arnold, Rugrats, and All That. I feel like my life has come full circle.
Randomize
