my girlfriend just informed me I need to get tested and so do you
girlfriend?
I just saw a girl in Albersons in spandex and curlers buying PBR. Only PBR.
How do the people at CVS not know your living in their bathroom?
At least we kept it together. It's people like him who yell at bushes that give acid a bad name
There's an official council for his ex boyfriends. They told me they 'look forward to the day I join them'.
I always have trouble explaining my life decisions to people over the age of 30.
It was awesome explaining why I had a tiger with boxers in my bed, a little bit drunk, to a girl in a pre-sex moment
Dude Carly, it's like, inconvinent how often you cause me to have an erection
He's so twisted that he's acting out Dragon Ball-Z by himself. The Tanquray and THC combo doesn't play around.
New fuck buddy and long time fuck buddy are carpooling home for thanksgiving. #10hrconvoaboutmyblowjobskills
They live across the street from a school baseball field so they have porter potties across the street and let's just say that I'm grateful they exist
I just wanna inform you guys that the first pregnancy scare of 2016 is over...
YOUR STATE IS STUPID
Did you miss a turn again?
WHAT FUCKING IDIOT DECIDED TO DESIGN AN ENTIRE FUCKING STATE WHERE YOU CAN'T MAKE A FUCKING LEFT TURN?!? FUCK NEW JERSEY
you're the only girl i know who can be too sick to walk to the kitchen and still have enough game to receive multiple orgasms
I dont think the chain smoking, tequila shots or cocaine was good for my bronchitis.
Randomize
