It started with Hannah Montana and ended with alcoholism.
We tried having a conversation with our noses.
i just keep taking vicodin and supergluing random shit
The only dream I remember having is one where my dad's sperm turned into baby hippos. Like, tiny baby hippos, pocket-sized. I am so fucked up.
Just took my pill on time for two days in a row. I deserve a prize.
Not having phil's child is good enough.
Best morning ever. I saw a bum giving another bum a blowjob downtown.
Okay, just a casual question: how did i manage to get grass stains on the inside of my bra?
I just ate a bag of doritos while taking a shower. I can now officially do anything
Yeah, I wish I could have one upped you. But all I did was ride circles around a cop on a stolen bicycle while laughing at him for telling me to stop riding on the sidewalk.
Ok thats it i need a list. Full names, nicknames, in which frats, with a photo, of all the guys youve hooked up with because three of the same guys is ridiculous
Glow Paint looked great for the Black Light Party last night, Tonight having a glow in the dark Pizza on my arm, not so much.
I noticed while having sex on Friday that I have great endurance. CrossFit works.
You can say goodbye to our security deposit.
Already? What he do?
Opened a bag of topsoil at the party and spread it all over the living room. TOPSOIL!
If waffles and beer don't scream "fuck me!" then I don't know what else to do.
I NEED HELP. IM TRIPPIN BAWLS IN THE BACK OF MY MOMS CAR.
Randomize
