i wonder if i could find a boyfriend who would call me big papa
sure if you go to prison
I just found a receipt from ace where I bought 1 lrg plastic funnel, 2ft of 1" plastic tubing, and a 48" toboggan sled. Thank you cashier #552 for letting that poor life decision happen.
He's slept with 25.5 people. Wtf is a half?
Apparently one comment in my womens studies class cockblocks yourself for an entire semester.
i can't decided whether the fact that her nipples are bigger then her palms is a problem or not
Somehow me showing up to/breaking into her house only to find I was a week early for the party became a night of weed cookies and sex.
Is it acceptable I'm laying in bed drinking airplane bottles?
In our world? Yes, but I'm disappointed yoiu are wasting airplane bottles. Save them for sneaky occasions
I drunk-cried for all conjoined twins everywhere the other day.
The best part about this city is obvious. Someone saw me crouching by a bar pissing in my leftover Panera bread bowl and they just winked.
Bar selfie Saturday turned into bar nudie Saturday in a hurry. I need to delete my snapchat...
Oh no that was the time I did the walk of shame with no shoes
Well, if you're anything like me you'll get a lot of ass when you turn 30, so that's a plus
the guy in front of me in walmart is buying a blowtorch, potato chips, and condoms. I'm curious and horrified at the same time.
Lets just say the phase, What a dick, has a whole new meaning at the urinals.
Not going to lie, when I looked in the tub I expected to see what might have been remnants of a squirrel.
Randomize
