why did i save someone in my phone as corn dildo?
i lost my life and panties somewhere between the 15th and 16th round of slap the bag.
like we started out all organized and composed and within thirty mins people were throwing up in the bushes, arguing over a beer bong and jumping in the pool with their clothes on
My mom and I were trying to explain to my sister what an uncircumcised penis looks like. We had some minor disagreements.
Another one? Damn, how many David's is that?
six.
Oh, I thought it was higher.
No, that would be the Matt's
theres a turtle on the table. helping me eat my ramon noodles.
well as your friend its only fair to offer my cock for your services. Cause I care.
I just got a get of my turf look from a hooker. Apparently, Ninja Turtles T-shirt+Jeans+Flip-Flops=Hooker Gear. Woot.
Dude I woke up and he was pissing in the corner on his clothes... I called his name an he replied " I got this" and continued.
Look, when i woke up this morning, I had every intention of being a responsible twenty-five year old, cleaning up, making my budget, and filing my taxes. Its just I got siderailed by pot and downloading classic Disney songs, because fuck adulthood; everyone loves Disney.
My phone just put together a highlight reel of yesterday's dick pic session, set to music and everything
March Madness means a buffet of emotionally vulnerable dick at the bars almost every night. So yeah my vagina and I are big fans.
Being pregnant feels like you have a hangover everyday.. Don't listen to what anyone says about how wonderful it is
I hate him but I love him for what he does which is me
No, he came home, unscrewed all of the lightbulbs, and threw them in the sink.
Randomize
