Yo dude either Brian has herpes or he was jerking off to Web MD 'cause I just walked in on him
Had to make a piece of abstract art. Your dick is in it
Even though ive seen her get fisted by another girl at a party, shes still a doctor.
You are going to be so proud of me, I'm wearing underwear AND tights. That's two layers more than usual between my vagina and the world.
It's a sign that no dudes december is about to start: I have a yeast infection.
Yeah I'm at work. Nothing like the threat of blowing chunks on passing cars to make you feel alive.
I am literally drinking 7 day old water and looking for snacks in my room so I won't have to go in the hall and see roommate, because we accidentally banged last night. Please bring over some chicken and plan b.
Sex aside I am really scared about Syria...
I tried to have a quickie with him at the company happy hour. I think I need to quit my job.
should i be that dick who brings a carpet in an uberpool
Why are you moving a carpet?
it's unimportant
IT'S FUCKING BABY SEASON ON FACEBOOK. MY VAGINA WANTS TO THROW UP
Do you want to get naked and order pizza with me
I need my sock, sombrero, maracas, and I just heard I had a light saber, if thats the case...i want that back too
i woke up and couldnt remember who was in my bed and it was so dark.. i rolled over and started kissing him and feeling his face because hey... if the blind can see like that.. maybe i could too
it was the most awkward makeout ever. it was record breaking really
...i feel like you have a lot of those.
Randomize
