i think i have reached a jessica simpson level of regret
this boner is fucking legendary. i should name it and celebrate its birthday every year
well, I suppose if I had to pick a penis to represent the american public, yours would be it
I'm in new territory... I've never had to convince a guy to let me give him head as an apology.
So here i am dipping ice cream in my vodka and watching the bad girls club on demand. This is not ok
IM A DRUNK BIRTHDAY CLEOPATRA MESS. CELEBRATE THAT BITCH
"can of pringles" is totally a legitimate measure of time
I think I'll bring the beer we scavenged from that other party. What goes around comes around, especially when it's Corona because that shit is not staying in my fridge
Jacked up my neck and shoulder hanging on for dear life while I rode him like a boss. Plus my house smells like broccoli, bad! How's YOUR morning?
You were asking her how her mother would feel if y'all dated, etc. And I was yelling at you your girlfriends name over and over again in between gags and sobs.
I'll remember. Also, I owe you 200 for a pair of shoes that I carelessly bought to improve my spinal structure, to improve my health and ensure that I love to be 300 years old. Like Adam. Of the bible.
I was looking at our sex bingo and pretty much every single row or column has at least one kind of person that is harder to find than all the rest
We've made things harder for ourselves
The struggle will be part of the fun
Oh and people at work think i got knocked up so my gay roomie is claiming it as his lol
I swear I'm going to walk in one day with you in a ballgag just masturbating feverishly
Well i can't stand the sound of my own crying
If the amount of time the owner spent looking at my tits is any indication, I’d say I can probably sleep my way to the top
Randomize
