If i off myself, it'll be in a lobster costume in the hot tub with butter...
My right boob is officially about a handful while my left is 1 and 3/4 handfuls. I'm staring at the mirror falling into a deep depression.
When we do our power hour over Skype I'm just going to sit on the toilet so that way I won't have to get up in the middle of it and miss any shots
We're doing it in the traditional way of discussing why we dislike each other while sharing a bowl. Just like the natives do.
I think that thing where I have 2 boyfriends is happening again
You are my best friend, but sometimes best friends need to punch each other in the face
Friend as in 'I used to have sex with her' or friend as in 'I still want to have sex with her'?
Sitting topless in my room drinking wine from a box... It's good to be back at school
Who knew I could feel anymore shameful at the bar than i usually do...I think my bartender recognizes me from the walk of shame out of his house after i hooked up with his son yesterday
Beyoncé wouldn't let anything bad happen here
I feel like my life just hangs in the balance of "Yeah I'm probably not doing this right"
Hey buddy, turns out those were the PB&shroomwiches, soooo you may want to reconsider dinner with your girlfriends family tonight...
One of the Mormon boys that comes to the door is really sexy and I always think 'I would absolutely destroy your faith'
If you think I'm going to drive 5.5 hours just to bang a guy, you'd be absolutely right.
You know that tattoo place next to Dallas? The naked sexy frog on my neck is proof that their "won't tattoo if drunk" sign is bullshit!
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