Pls don't use the words alligator, purple, and sperm in the same sentence ever again.
I woke up in the penthouse and did lines off the to of the fireplace. This is not real.
I just fell off my chair and knocked over the table. People are staring. That hungover.
All I remember is saying that "fire will make it all better"
the more i look through evidence of last night, the less i seem to remember.
Going to have to start putting down newspaper if puking the bed is going to be a habit
I think if I could use my boobs as a second pair of hands everything would be ok
we're driving around with this really dirty (unclean and inappropriate) 60 year old ex-san quintin con named old skool d that my brother knows and hes bringing us to get weed. what is montana?
Would it be inappropriate to rub one out in the gym shower? I mean, technically, I pay $80 a month to do what I want so could they really say anything?
Shower is fine. Steam room is shady. I've probably done both at one point in my life so I can't be used as a good reference.
I had 2 bags of iv saline fuilds for brunch and the buffet at the strip club for dinner. happy easter.
Well I was thinking of taking him out for drinks then lecturing him about his drinking... kind of like an open minded intervention
When you glanced over and and mouthed "I'll take the fat chick" I knew it was going to be an epic Sunday night.
But in today's society it's frowned upon not to wear pants in public.
My ladyscape is the envy of many and the shangrila of few. I will display it proudly.
Worst date ever. Bro she asked when we can start having kids because her clock was ticking.
Run dude. Just run
hey, so i dont know your name. but im guessing we had sex last night. seeing that you're in my phone as "had sex time thursty thursday guy"
Randomize
