do you believe in love at first sight?
awwwwww =)
yea.. so can i have your sisters number? thanks!
get home. someone threw up in the fishtank last night.
I just signed a document stating that I would dd all summer if they would go pickup food.
He ended up letting us go, I think he just felt sorry for us. It's the only time that my night's gotten worse after I've taken my pants off.
He made me a "booty call of the year" award.
My dad just gifted me an alaskan flag he stole from the govenor's mansion. He said it was to hang on the wall at 3316, to start a morning ritual. Then he mimed kegstands and vomiting. Senior year will be epic.
She called me in the morning crying, but I was busy cleaning up bird guts, very hungover. It was a very surreal morning.
Tried to drunkenly hop a fence with my cast on to get away from the cops but ended up falling over a bench.. how do I explain those bruises to my parents?
I'm 2 beers deep on an empty stomach, and I just wanna say, I pride myself on my use of commas
I left my ice cream out over night, it's melted, fuck this, I just poured Bailey's in it. Problems solved.
Fire trucks are here again. It wasn't me this time.
I LACK THE NECESSARY BRAIN FUNCTIONS TO BE ABLE TO PROPERLY RESPOND TO THAT
Got wasted in a little tiki hut by the beach yesterday. Woke up with a coconut and half of a mushroom burger in my purse. I also have a picture of our Romanian bartender's fingernails on my phone lol
Why do you always wake up with meat in your purse?
Oh fuck, I'm officially a cougar..he's got the same name as my grandson
It probably doesn't matter because I'm drunk...but I'm sorry for getting you drunk, having you almost lose your place to live, all your friends, permanently lose your liver functions, throwing up on my floor, losing virginity...etc...mostly I'm sorry for making you watch: cabin in the woods.
Randomize
