is it bad that I sent her a picture of my penis on her husbands birthday?
you broke into my aparment at three in the morning wearing long johns and offered me beer.
I woke up naked this morning there was a baseball bat on the floor the bathroom door knob was removed and the floor was wet. This is why i don't do Tequila shots.
her sex was completely horrible but her weed was great. imma ask her out again
If i apologize for punching you in the liver repeatedly will you explain where the grass stains on my shoulders came from?
You hopped on the counter after puking, and told us you were wearing bare feet and didn't want to be alone.
I just used "et al" in a sext. I thought you'd be proud
Only I could get hit on by homophobic straight guys in a drag bar.
In the future, could you not call me 'bro' while we're having sex?
Another beautiful Sunday, another beautiful day the stick is not positive. Amen.
It's become almost a Pavlovian response. The sound of the vacuum being run by hubby causes an instantaneous involuntary orgasm.
Anytime you wish.we are doing double shots in the kitchen,and I drank a beer in the shower,so...the sooner you get here,the sooner you can get on our level.
fyi: first time in five days i havent washed my birth control down with liquor. when are we going out tonight?
I’m going to bedazzle that dick
What does that even mean
No idea, but I guarantee he’ll get hard every time he remembers it
then he said the sex was mediocre and that it was because of me. and that we could try again tomorrow.
it was 100% mediocre because of him, and we will 100% not be trying again tomorrow.
Randomize
