He used his penis as a puppet and sang Rihanna's Hard..... so no, we will never see each other again.
just graduated on the spot on the quad where I vommed freshman year. full circle
Nah the bridesmaids all had dates. I slept with the next best thing: girl who WANTED to be a bridesmaid but didnt make the cut.
It wasn't a threesome, it was me making out with one while looking at the other one screaming "does this make you jealous?"
He was having a "party in the princess castle." At what point do I blindfold him and take him to AA?
I am so proud of him. After eating the rest of our shrooms, he finally registered to vote
I mean I feel like if you explain to the emoji app company that your friend got plastered and fell to the ground and is trying to scheme her way back to normal life and get her dignity back they would understand just how necessary it is to have a fingers crossed emoji...
If you think for one second that I would forget Mardi Gras, you clearly don't know how much I love boobs.
Nothing says "forever alone" like receiving a friendship bracelet from your parents.
We peed together in a dark alley while holding hands. That is a bond that can never be broken.
he can get married early and ruin his life but he sure as hell isn't ruining mine with a shitty bachelor party
EX BOYFRIEND'S TWINS WERE BORN TODAY. THIS CALLS FOR A MARG.
Is it ironic that our divorce court is a block from where we had our reception? Or is it just sad? Alanis has confused my understanding of irony.
There's nothing like when u really click with a stripper
My Mormon mother just found a butt-plug in our AirBnB closet.
Randomize
