Heard it's your birthday. I can't send pictures, but go ahead and imagine my balls.
how do you say "fuck me and leave bruises" in italian?
Maybe not, but you have to admit watching him get hit by the car was gratifying
OK am i seriously the only one who thinks Cocaine Tuesdays is a bad idea?
I'd just like to inform all involved that walking into a liquor store holding a milk crate at the beginning of a night as stock ends badly
Exactly. Motivated vaginas are the best kind of vagina
Would your heart desire to drink copious amounts of alcohol tonight?
I was expecting it to be of the "I am your vagina's reckoning" caliber.
Nothing says besties like laying naked in bed hungover arguing over who is getting the pants
I sent my roommate a text from MY phone that said, "I don't know where my phone is." Must've been a good night.
Remind me to tell you the story of the fuzzy condom
Is it okay to mention my ambition to become a supervillian and kill all humans on a first date, or is that a second date discussion?
Not my lover. I would rather lose all my teeth, and I fucking love my teeth.
was i wearing any clothes at that point?
socks and a thong
I really need to stop having sex.. I haven't been able to get a brush through the back of my hair for a good week and a half
Randomize
