I'm so drunk I cant read cursive anymore.
chasing shots of tequilla with sun chips. its doable but not recommended
Last night I got a napkin with 4 names & numbers: Katie, Ellen, Kylie...and Brandon.
Lesson Learned this Week... If it seems too good to be true he is probably just trying to get you pregnant.
Dude, didnt you only know that guy for a month and he is demanding offspring?
Apparently, at this age my womb is an early conversation
You going out tonight?
No I am at the hospital. Throwing up blood is apparently frowned upon.
this is really not the time to pretend we have morals
He wanted to put Kesha on after he came in my mouth. I had to draw some sort of trashy, gay line.
well he is only 50 percent black.. but after last night i am 100 percent not going back
Haha yeah my head's fine..sorry about the dent in your fridge.
At one point he was so drunk he was carrying around a bottle of patron drinking out of it and falling everywhere and every time he spilled it he would scream "THERE GOES TWENTY DOLLARS."
He wouldn't let me ride him with a Ninja Turtles hat on...
How do I feel about a girl who has a g string tattooed on
Bitch how dare you drink my dos equis
Sunburned by dick at the nude beach. Bad. She tried to blow me. But. I. Just. Can't. Saddest day of my life.
I just hit 3 trees and a golf cart.. all on the same hole
Put me down for a bogey
Randomize
