no, he came in my armpit
i was having this nice romantic moment with my girlfriend. then jimmy came in and peed on the fridge
no its okay don't call 911, she's alive. just stopped by her house and banged on her door. she said she turned her phone off because she "had to be alone with her shame and embarassment". typical.
this ugly chick literally cried last night because i wouldnt let her give me head
i feel like an archaelogyst. im pulling apart last weeks brownies to find the weed in them
I'm not an expert but calling her the "hot lesbian" isn't going to coerce her into a 3some with you
You left me with no money to have random Chicago sex. The least you can do is pick me up an egg mcmuffin on your walk of shame back to the hotel.
lets just say that i have already today: gotten drunk, got in a fight, got stranded an hour away from home, found a ride, sobered up, and slept. woken back up, and here i am. its been a long day. Day drinking is bad for friendships.
I've lost all respect for marriage since I joined this bachelor party.
who dressed up as a cop at your party???
idk I have to check. Why?
he gave me the best strip search of my life. FIND HIM.
Judging by your snapchat you're totally working on your project and definitely not singing, "The Sign" while shirtless with another man.
I mean it was fine and all but I just don't understand why a man would need all that Simon Cowell paraphanelia
I have more important things to worry about than you drowning your cheerios in tequila.
Wow first he impregnates you then he won't send you the sex tape you made together? Where has chivalry gone?
You ran up to my room. I was naked. You refused to leave without drugs. I love you.
Randomize
