My grandpa is talking about laundry and he asked if i could run a "small hot load." Wow. I had to leave the room.
so after he got his stomach pumped, he asked for a smoking room.
Is it wierd that you're going to be my best man and you've fucked my wife?
After 12 shots he decided to show us knife tricks. You can figure out how it ended
Am I really that high, or did I just spray febreeze outside ?
Totally shot down my boss for sex today. Approaching this weekend with a clear conscience and an untouched vagina.
Do I lose at life if I cry in a grocery store while buying a pregnancy test?
Ok so I didn't mean for his first impression of me to be lying face down on his roommates bedrooms floor throwing up my jäger but it happened. Atleast my ass looked good in those jeans. Think I still have a shot?
I'm pmsing and only have one functional foot
i put frozen meatballs in my drink thinking they were ice cubes and I'm vegetarian wtf
sorry for pouring tequila vodka and whiskey down your throat and left you to sleep on a table
I'm just sitting here drunk and eating peas because my life sucks
Ive got small boobs, but they sure do like to pop out and party with the big dogs.
she was sitting with her tits completely out.. on the kitchen floor..eating pickles by the handful... rapping mac dre... and then lit up a cig and continued...that drunk
Drunk me made cabbage burritos at 1am after going to hustler hollywood.\nI bought socks. Lol
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