He didn't know it yet but he was about to go down on me.
I don't care where my tongue is but i t's going to be in all the pictures.
Just saw a british exchange student take a flyer for free dental care. Yes.
I am intoxicated and cannot bring you a burrito. However, if you want to bring ME one...
All I remember is yelling RUN as fireworks started going off in the kitchen. Who said that was a bad idea?
She carries her pencils in a crown royal bag... Need I say more?
I made her a sippy cup with eggnog and whiskey. My meditation app told me to go the extra mile for someone today, so I did.
I'm not going to pass up the opportunity to be half naked and covered in glitter without facing judgement or legal prosecution. I'll be there.
I opened a bud lite with a fencing sword last night. Yeah you banged that guy.
Do you think the police would frown on me opening a psych drug pharmacy on the side? Just to dispose of my drugs without polluting the water supply! It is for the animals!
I think I swiped left on my soulmate
My 1st STD. I feel like there should be a cake for this.
I don't suppose you have a recipe for a cocktail made of bitter resignation, regretting everything, poor life descisions and deep-seated self-loathing?
If you sleep with him I will stab you int the uterus with a pitchfork.
Prepare the pitchfork.
what could you have possibly accomplished by watching 6 hours of a mythbusters marathon
well, i added sex in a wind tunnel to my bucket list
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