There is a strange man mowing my lawn. Best day ever.
I threw up so much beer last night that my puke had a nice head on it.
I woke up to the bathroom door of steak n shake hitting me in the face at 4 in the morning...
Dude you can sell sperm for 100 to 250 bucks a time. And the best part is there will be kids all over the world that will have me as a daddy. It's like I'm jerking off my way into ruling the world
We turned everything surrounding BP and the oil leak into a "that's what she said" drinking game. We've been drunk for a month
I was so scared, I actually heard my grandmother's voice in my head saying if I get pregnant, then my vagina will fall off. And then I'm going to die.
I can't think of anything besides pubic hair fallout. Ugh.
Its 6 am and me and the girl in the next apartment have been taking turns puking and yelling "never agaaaain" thru the walls.
oh my god i'm in a crawl space
Midnight run for medical supplies ended several hours later with a lapdance to the Braveheart soundtrack.
I just feel like a little gay dolphin in a massive sea
Okay, just a casual question: how did i manage to get grass stains on the inside of my bra?
No, the weekend was great. It was the waking up in the pond in the raft without an oar that sucked. That fucking water is cold at 7am.
But lunch with my dad really just means an hour and a half of him telling me how he's disappointed and how he knows I'm on drugs
My brother really should've known better than to make me go egg hunting with his daughter when I was entirely too drunk to do so. Threw up in a plant in front of her.
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