The ticket read "Found nude in a tree"
so he went down on me and i thought i heard him say "you're smelly" to my vagina
i got awkward and finally asked him what he said
he actually said "you want some dick?" to my vagina. which is worse? either way he's talking to it
Dude pussy is like music. For every person who pays for it, there are thousands more getting it for free.
Had to use the product locator on on the four loko website to find them at home. Got to go in the backroom of a grocery store to get them. Dedication.
I hope, cuz I was gunna get "celebritory drunk" but now I have to get "I'm disappointed drunk"
We are two peas in an std pod
Side note: I think I fell asleep holding a cereal box
Can you pick me up a bottle of make-an-ass-of-myself tonight?
Do you want cuervo gold or silver?
I had to assert my dominance as Alpha Drunk.
Eating a chocolate bar and crying over a cobweb. Life is beautiful and I love shrooms.
You blacked out at 9:30 and insisted on sleeping in the hallway after you chugged an entire pitcher of beer. I guess the Jell-O shots were stronger than we thought...
Dude. She was wearing nothing but Wonder Woman panties and a flag for a cape and sneaking around leaving PBR's by passed out people for the morning. She called herself the 'Merica Fairy.
Why haven't you proposed already?
I threw up in the shower. I cleaned it all up and there is on mess at all. This hangover has become borderline religous. Powerful and life changing.
Reading becomes significantly more difficult when people are having crazy loud sex in an adjoining room
Let me call you later. I’m lining up some office dick now that working at home is ending
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