The only thing I want to hear out of a girl's mouth tonight is, "slurp".
we turned dreidel into a drinking game. i kept landing on gimel. im glad we have 7 more nights of this
Don't leave without me in the morning. I keep scaring everyone cause I'm sleeping in the bathtub.
you just started pointing at the light and whispering "star wars"
You couldve had sex with 2 drunk chicks on an alligator slide.
Is it just me or did a policeman park your car last night?
Mom brought home a 36 pack of Smirnoff and was all "ring any bells?" and then winked. I'm scared. What does she know?
More cowboy butts than you can shake a stick at, oh joy.
there is a hole burned clean through my text book on forestry law and I saw you walking around with a blowtorch last night. Hope you have $160 on ya...
I know we said we never would. But try fucking a fat guy. He put in so much more effort and then made me waffles.
Lets get coked out and steal a parrot this summer
Just don't let me get too drunk. At one point I pulled out my dick and pissed at that party. Like on the wall.
She took me to ER. She says thought it was a squirtgun filled with vodka and she was 'marking me for later.' Thank god it's a flesh wound, and we're cool and going to date.
gtg, the cops are here
Omg the sex was so good my ears popped. Thank god too. Cause then I didn't have to hear him going on and on about his dumbass feelings. It's called a booty call bitch.
You know the bunny onesie you sent me? Happy Halloween, I just did the hop of shame.
Randomize
