doctor said mango vodka does not count as my daily servings of fruit. damn.
Someone's playing Limp Bizkit out loud on the train. I think the decade reset it self.
If there's ever a time when I've matured to the point that I don't want to look at camera-phone-titties, go ahead and bury me in a shallow grave by the railroad tracks.
as we were stuffing their 24 of beer into our bags you kept saying you wanted cheese strings. closest things we found were kraft singles. as the guys came up the stairs you kept screaming 'GET THE CHEESE! GET THE CHEESE!'
Taking my tights off outside the club to give them to the homeless man was my contribution to humanity. The fact that it was snowing just made me feel like superman.
remind me not to fuck anymore half bald 20 year olds. because obviously there's attachment issues
I'm all for hockey players but dude, he asked me to lick his chipped tooth mid-hook up.
In case you're wondering what frozen hashbrowns taste like at 4 in the afternoon, shame. They taste like shame.
oh I'm washing fake blood out of my bra.
I NEED to hang out with you more
I think someone cast a spell on the lazy stoner rich boy stereotype and it came to life and called me.
I feel like asking for a towel for after I puke before I puke to be more respectful than jus going outside to puke and coming back inside covered in sweat and tears.
How old am I that I had to sneak a boy out of my room this morning...
We laughed, we cried, we fucked, we shirked our familial and work related responsibilities. They could make a movie about the last 40 hours of our lives.
Dude chill patience is a virtue.
WHY DOES PATIENCE HAVE TO BE A VIRTUE, WHY CAN'T HURRY THE FUCK UP BE A VIRTUE?
I just caught my bangs on fire trying to lite a bowl while driving. Thank god it wasn't my eyebrows like last time.
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