At the hair cuttery. A father here with his daughter just answered his phone "ken's whorehouse"...Now I remember why I used to pay more for haircuts.
Never drink rum straight from the bottle, even if people say it'll make you a pirate. It won't: it'll make you a bumbling shitfaced idiot who just drank rum straight from the bottle.
I feel like my nuva ring should have a vibrating switch.
I don't want to get into details but it feels like there was a bear mauling involved. A very good bear mauling.
Just found out I called my mom at six in the morning to ask where the bong was. I win.
After we were done the second time she turned to me and called me a Hardcore Armadillo. Also, her O face involves crossed eyes. You tell me.
The "don't have sex with him again" alerts you set on my phone just started going off.
Good. "Seriously, don't do it" should start in about five minutes.
Dude, just found out there's a monster in a video game named after me. No more dating nerds.
Wait. You NEVER used a Dizzy Doodler pen as a vibrator?!?
Dude it's sisterhood of the traveling wine glasses here
Hun, it's always cinco de Drinko in our family. It's like Groundhog Day. Only with more booze.
So I don't know, I'm not a doctor, but I might be juggling dates with 3 different guys...
I need to wash the frat house off of me
she's p upset bro
Where is he. I have a sword.
A guy from tinder a while ago who sent me dick pics straight out the gate is a tech on my dad's hospital floor. I was wondering why he looked familiar and why he never took my dads vitals when I was in the room
Listen all I know is that mistakes were made and she stole the car and drove half an hour for food at 4 am
Randomize
