i think i'm in class. and blacked out.
Do you ever make guys send you dick pictures just cause it's hilarious?
I'm too drunk to be surrounded by this many indians
How do you manage to be drunk and a racial minority so often?
The lego bong didn't work. Just made us look stupid
She was knocking on the tree demanding to be let in
Saw someone get laid in the bathroom no one was wearing shoes and I had a parrot on my shoulder...I never want to leave this bar
Just because I tried to backhand you with a fist full of cash does not make me violent
we drunk the bar out of liquor so the guy was selling us bottles of wine for $2a each. Only good thing to come outta this flood
I just put bacon on a thin mint and enjoyed the shit out of it. I better not be fucking pregnant.
It was like bizarre-o star trek. I shamefully went where every man has gone before.
well I woke up with about $3 in odd change and a note that said "I'm borrowing your weed." So, no, it didn't go to well.
After my mom met Tanner, she literally turned and said "he's from old money, top of his class at Emory, already has doctors courting him for jobs and judging from your vocal performance the other night, he's gifted in bed. Fake a pregnancy right now"
I come from her. Holy hell.
I asked him why he was eating an entire can of refried beans, the only answer I got was "revenge"
Dude, some chick came over here earlier and thought my lube was hand sanitizer. She poured it all over her hands.
You're a wizard. You are a master of disguise. You are beautiful. I love you.
Randomize
