So she stayed over last night and slept walked in to my moms room where she used the bathroom and then proceeded to get in bed with my moms naked boyfriend. So yeah, at least now my family got to meet her.
i messed up with two guys last night...one i pranked and left the phone on..the other one i went crazy on trying to be his girlfriend after four jagermeister shots...
I wish my mouth had a period so that could be my excuse on those days I don't feel like giving head
he had to chose between the booze and condoms
what did he choose?
the booze, then looked at me and said, plan b is free right?
your stepbrother is rimming his martinis with coke... keeps saying "thank god its tuesday". where does funemployment end and intervention begin?
I'm sorry I tried putting my balls in your cup holder.
He is crying over the toilet and his friends just came in and tried to make him take another jello shot.
You got me so high that I almost couldn't leave my house for a bar because there was nothing to lean against on the way there
I feel like everyone in class can tell we had a threesome last weekend.
She has "Massive Shits" listed as a turn off. That's very specific and there's a story behind it I bet.
Sweet, got a date tomorrow night
Best orgasm I ever had! I though we totally connected and I asked him to stay over. He went back to the sigma chi house and returned with his blankie and a 40. please help
You don't understand. On her lunch break she sits on the roof, stares into the sky, and chain smokes. I can't get on her level. She is made up of java monsters with whiskey and a voice that sounds like sex.
You need to stop crushing on your boss or fuck her.
A guy claiming to be the Japanese counterpart to the White Power Ranger is trying to take me home....
Its honestly only a matter of time before I punch him in the face... I'll try to control myself until you guys break up
Because I'm currently dying, lacking waffles, and vaguely convinced I'm an eagle
Randomize
