Haven't eaten in 11 hrs. I am gonna have so much material to talk about with anorexic girls now
Seriously, I'm delusional. Idk how these models even walk on the runway
First night home from college and I already forgot that walking around nearly naked with my laptop open to smut porn isn't acceptable. Sorry, mom.
Dood you jacked it to warcraft. you can't come back from something like that
explain to me why "crisis hotline lolz" is in my contacts?
Free beer happened. I got hammered and aaron did his first keg stand. Then went all martha stewart on redecorating the bathroom. I remember being at walmart
What theme did he decide on for the bathroom?
Well as you know martha loves the northeast this time of year. I believe the theme was 'coney island' decorrated with hot dogs and macaroni
you definitely made a grilled cheese using your iron..
ya and it worked didnt it??
then out of nowhere we heard a voice yell "Fuck that pussy!"
I just woke up in his house on his bathroom floor with an IV in my arm.
I'm going to need your assistance. I cannot walk back to the house in a bear costume.
If I have to go to the hospital, at least put my pants back on. It's been a fantastic night.
Just found my glass of wine on top of the litter box. Every argument ever is invalid.
The exact people you expect to find at a bar at 2pm are here. Come visit. We'd really like the company.
Going on a first date tonight...pros: my boobs look amazing. Cons: my abortion isn't until next week.
He howled at the moon then told me that if i were a dog he'd have sex with me...either i look like that girl or i need to stop going on blind dates. Period.
I guess I called her at 2am, demanding that she bring us food. She told us to order pizza, and I yelled "DON'T MENTION PIZZA!" I recall nothing.
Randomize