but the lizard people decide everything anyway
all i know is i woke up with a braid in my hair and i vaguely remember a cab driver telling me he would give me $10,000 to get him a green card. and he would take me to turkey. and give me free cab rides. im never drinking on my medicine again. lol.
Two kids are drinking pounders in class. I think I'm hanging out with the wrong group of friends.
you puked out of a dead sleep and didnt wake up
He ran headfirst into the atm. Thenasmed us what our spirit animals were...he said his was either a dolphin or a cabbage
You tried taking his shirt off at the bar. He was 37 and married with kids.
I knew I fucked up when I woke up with the meat scissors in my hand.
I just remembered that he had fake blood all over his face last night. I woke up with it all over my dick. He was 50. Please don't judge me.
Ya I painted "STOP TRYING ANAL" on her headboard. I'm sick of listening to her whine through the wall and bitch the next day.
Any day that has a special name thats capitalized means you need to need to call in sick and get day drunk. That's why they are there.
I got into a fight with the dude who fell asleep on my couch bc he wouldn't wake up but managed to get a lunch date set for thurs with another guy by the time he finally left. So how's your day so far?
He ripped my sink off my bathroom wall and then threw up in it.
This is a mass text. Who in the hell shat on my stairs last night?
She grabbed the other one and started playing tug-o-war against the blonde chick. I told you getting my nipples pierced was a good idea
i was so blazed last night that i kept imagining a talking eagle sitting next to me encouraging me to smoke more... i listened to it.
Randomize
