Dont touch anything! You just got rid of your crabs!
is it appropriate to call someone “ a tasty piece of bitch?” This is time sensitive.
oh great. kentucky is ranked #1 in the country for child abuse. go us.
There are GROWN MEN with fake HP wands flinging curses at me in Walmart.
That's funny. Are they weird looking???
OF COURSE THEY ARE WEIRD LOOKING, THEY ARE STALKING ME IN WALMART. WITH. FAKE. WANDS.
I just bought 4 bottles of wine in sweats at 530 on a monday night. Fuck law school
i left the icescrapper in his bathroom. i dont remember taking it there, but i remember brushing his hair with it.
How many vodka infused gummi bears count as 1 drink?
I've got 2 dollars. How do I turn this into alcohol?
If you don't sing me a lullaby then I'll just take shots till I pass out
You were stoned out of your mind. We were eating cold cuts and you wouldn't shut up about how it was the wettest meat you'd ever felt in your life.
do you know where my other puke covered boot is
I wasn't half as drunk as u but u were saying u were a "worm" and u tried to slither out of my grasp
sriracha body shots, that's gonna be a thing
it's like you just said "i want you to suffer"
No one wanted to hang out so vodka and I are hanging out
He's a snuggler. Every time I attempt to make a move to find my bra he reigns me in. Needless to say i could be here a while.
Randomize
