batman just walked across the sidewalk
lay off the drugs
no for real he was wearing a cape
IS FOOTBALL GONNA SUCK HIS DICK? NO, IT IS NOT
Best surprise in my car. A cookie, sliced kiwi and the rest of my margarita. Work is going to be awesome.
High moment. Almost just passed the blunt to the dog.
they adjusted my tv to black and white ... i thought i drank myself to colorblindness
I'm drunk in a place called Lick-A-Chick. PS. It's not a lesbian hot spot, they sell chicken.
I stirred my drink with a butcher knife. His roomate keeps giving me dirty looks
Like what do you want from me
Just got a ride from a stranger while walking a mile home as it hailed with no coat. He asked me if I smoked, then said he just made some potent cookies and I could have one.
The cookie was what I originally wanted to tell you. Always say yes to drugs from strangers
Low key that was incredibly dangerous to let me wield a sword at this point in the night
Can we just agree for a moment that semen in your sinuses is the fucking worst?
Please come over. It's a pajama and burn-2016-in-effigy party
He's literally cuddling with the washer and dryer.
Do you have any idea how awkward it was to type ‘dog twerking’ into google search? Because I don’t think you do.
Passed out in someones front yard last night. Got woke u?p by a lady walking her dog at 6am. Rock bottom.
i dont know how or why im in the gym right now, but theres a hot cop, a guy i hook up with, and his hot friend. this can only lead to every fantasy i ever had.
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