If you die in college, do you die in real life?
Thanks for ditching me last night. I got a ride home from the Dominos delivery guy. You owe me 3 large pizzas.
Correct me if I'm wrong but the photo album titles "cause I've been drankin" and "baby jessica" should not belong to the same person.
just found a bag of Oreos in my purse labeled "emergency".
Uh oh I Hage to dance yes, my feet are Whitney Houston
You almost make it sound as if getting an education to further your career is more important than beer and tacos.
My father is flirting with a transexual server at hamburger mary's. We can never tell him.
I jumped out of a moving car going sixty into my driveway because I had to shit so bad. It is not a good day today.
I have good news and bad news. Bad news, she's not in porn. Good news, I found porn.
I just want to pat him on the head, bake him some cookies, and reassure him that, someday, he will get laid.
that's the first time I've heard "shenanigans" and "apocalypse" in the same sentence
You kept whispering to me that the guy making your burrito was an angel.
You're seeing with your vagina, not your eyes.
I think I got into an argument with my cat's former owner about what a BDSM relationship entails.
Lol. I liked you the most when we were banging random girls and trying to tag team everything. You were happier then.
Randomize
