think what you will about my sexuality, just get the cigarettes
i was just singing like a virgin out loud my mom told me to stop kidding myself
when you get a chance can you look up 'free abortion clinic' for me? cuz i dont think i'll be lucky enough for a second miscarriage.
is it bad that i have made the decision to never travel to vienna simply because of that transvestite that won the bachelor?
dont start drinking without me
you just kept yelling NO BUENO SENOR at the cashier and throwing coins at him, of course you were going to get kicked out of the grocery store
It's one of the many facets of my drunken alter egos. I'm like substance abuse batman.
No no, there's drunk and then there's 'spooning with lawn gnomes' drunk.
Knowing that he goes to voodoo every Thursday really makes me want to get myself checked.
Well it was tamer than the 4th of july when I blew that guy I met walking home from the fireworks
I just had to take my laptop away from him because he was on Amazon and had 20 Seahawks garden gnomes in his cart.
As the cops are taking us away I see the strippers taking our DD backstage.
I understand, but unless there is an intervention for me being planned, i DON NOT want to talk about my life choices
To the point, I hope I remember where to put my dick when I finally get laid again
You have a 50 50 chance
I just dropped a condom on the floor at costco in front of my girlfriend and her husband. Today is not going to go well.
I'm using emojis for drug deals now. It's time to kill me.
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