I just bought the big bottle of Patron. It looks small. What have I done with my life?
Succeeded.
Yea i traded my bed for half a bag of jimmy johns jalepno chips, am I proud of it no, Am I happy I did it? yes
I got my period while he was fingering me , I knew it because I never get that wet.
Did u at least say sorry?
THEY HAVE A VOMIT TROUGH.
What?
A TROUGH FOR VOMIT.
We probably shouldn't have forced that guys cat to drink the grey goose while we were doing lines in his bathroom
do not give him the "i just had sex cake" i repeat DO NOT give him the cake. things didn't go well
Turns out lunch break sex with someone you cant stand being around for any amount of time just makes you wish you had gone to get tacos like you originally planed.
He wants to buy me a drink to apologize for sending me a pic of his dick. Welcome to my life.
Yeah I don't remember how I got home last night
Judging from my pants, I embarrassed myself smh
Haha, how do I word that nicely? "You got me to the edge of no return twice and failed to let me orgasm, therefore you owe me chicken nuggets or hot wings. Your decision"
Best thing I ever did was get a dog. She's like a living trip alarm to warn me of visitors while I'm masturbating.
He made me cum via FaceTime, then he made me look at his stock investment charts..
So I just went to clothing optional bar
Leave it to you to bring a trash can into a fist fight.
I keep worrying the police are going to come looking for us.
For which one? Starting a fire on my porch or having sex on my porch?
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