Free body shot off of Sarah. Expires never.
the #6 from wendy's when stoned is definitely better than sex. i dont care what anyone says.
Peed in a church parking lot last night. As if Jesus didnt hate me enough already.
the spit in my mouth is still 99% not mine.
i woke up to the sound of my roommate climbing onto my desk mumbling that she was going to bed
it is entirely possible that the police will be knocking on the door in 25 minutes
I just walked in on my lesbian roommate having sex in the kitchen, and it was awesome. We proceeded to shots naked together. Happy birthday to me.
The water at the venue tasted HORRIBLE so I just kept drinking booze. It was like the medievals.
THEY AREN'T MARRIED. PUT ON YOUR HOMEWRECKING PANTIES AND GET TO WORK. NO EXCUSES.
Thanks for fingering me to orgasm during Wu-Tang Clan
It's ok, it's locked within patented Sealrite technology. That puke is staying fresh
I woke up naked with a Jason mask on and a fat lip. What happened last night?
I wish I could say this wasn't the first time I shit myself in a Piggly Wiggly.
I skipped the handshake and went right for a dickshake I had him minutes after I saw him.
my Mom is now my Eskimo sister... she fucked my ex in my bed and took a selfie
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