I wonder if she has a lisp when she orgasms...
who knew getting puke in ur hair could make it look so cute and curly. minus the crusty puke part
He spanked me with a plate. I'm not sure where this is going...
professor came back from spring break missing a tooth
Did someone do a keg stand in my bathtub?
Aw lol. Sounds like my masturbation injury last year
I'm hiding out in the living room until he falls back asleep. If he catches a whiff of my tits, it's all over. I just need to play it cool. Babies can smell fear
You are NEVER going to guess whose penis was JUST in my mouth!!!
I'll give you a hint, we ate paste with him in kindergarten.
Someone left me hummas on my door step between the hours of 1am-3am
we all thought you were asleep. he found you an hour later sitting outside in the snow lighting a bowl, singing the CatDog theme song, and hugging a box a Franzia.
We hooked up last night. I think it was great for our friendship.
I'm still a bit day drunk and decided to go for a run. You may get a snapchat of me vomiting soon
When the nurses wouldn't let him smoke in the hospital he decided to just roll around on the floor.
One can only be this extremely wet once a year and I feel like I'm bitch slapping god by not using this gift he has bestowed on me.
i had sex with a girl named after a fruit last night and it was the best thing to happen to me in 2020
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