All I remember about walking back home was that I maced my shadow.
America approved of our night. A bald eagle flew over us at 7am
Was waiting for the adderal to kick in then realized I had been brushing my teeth for eighteen minuites
I just sold some kid a bong I made out of a vuvuzela for $50. I think I found my career path.
Its going to be drunk as shit/pirate themed. Im dressing as the former.
Just saw pictures of a pregnant teen from my hometown with an American flag wrapped around her naked body posted on FB without irony. These are my roots.
Just your daily reminder that we're terrible people: the average number of men a woman sleeps with in their lifetime is 4
It's like a double rainbow in both sides of the sky mixed with The Jeffersons.
Come to office depot with me I need help picking out a daily planner that will help me keep all of my casual sex dates organized.
The closest I'll come to committing is leaving sex toys at their house
Come over so I can fuck you louder than her country music
I felt like I crashed a wedding. Everyone was dressed so nice and I was covered in actual dirt and a little blood.
can we not speak foreign languages when I'm on drugs
kind of bad when u call a cop an asshole for driving you home from the bar
We were peeing side by side on the riverbank together and I felt like nothing brings you closer than drunken riverbank urinating so I caught her a friendship frog to wipe with since we left the tp in the canoe.
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