There is something just so refreshing and wonderful about an uninterrupted morning poop in the office.
Still drunk and leading the team through the 9am sales meeting. I'm pretty sure this is why there aren't more 26year-olds in management.
This threesome is so guaranteed that dinner feels like a charade
Just saw a field sobriety test being administered at 730 am, I now know I do not have a drinking problem
What did I eat last night that was bloody?
I want to start this convo out by apologizing for the broken toaster.
I think I just got propositioned for sex by the lady behind the counter at dunkin donuts
Just broke my collar bone. May not make it to the party.
You left me alone with nothing but donuts and my thoughts.
Judging by his bulge. This guy is going home with me. Who doesn't want a dick that looks like it used to be a pillar in Rome.
I needed tweezers to get my thong out of my ass this morning.
It's not vacation until I get called "disgustinly sexy" by an fat woman whose older than my mother.
Also that boy who jizzed in me wearing Cowboy boots and a plaid shirt snapped me at 4 am and said "I owe you a dinner. Sorry"
A drunk frat boy just jumped on the hood of my car while I was driving down Bridge St. He yelled at me to keep going since he was playing frogger and needed another car to jump on... or a log. I hate this town.
If I wanna spend the whole night tied up and getting railed I'm allowed to do so
Randomize
