My brother and I both agreed that your boobs are fake.
how convenient is it that the kid i'm fucking lives right next to planned parenthood?
sex in a ball pit. and I thought ghandi did great things.
my mom just poured a water bottle of wine to take my dog on a walk...
My mom seriously just told me my insurance company pays for rehab. In an email. I expect a real, not just us joking, intervention coming on. I'm not accepting a "lunch date" with that bitch.
I feel choking has become trendy-- ita losing its effect. I may just have to go back to missionary to spice it up
Dude, you passed out sitting straight up AND in mid sentence last night
When you get home there will be live fish in the bathtub. I did not put live fish in the bathtub.
NEW INFORMATION meech found me passed out on a bench outside.
You should kill a bro for me and drag his carcass home so I can study him.
That was obviously his first time talking dirty. He called my vagina "pretty"
I might volunteer to give breath samples on the 17th where I would be required to get drunk and then give samples! THE POLICE WOULD PAY ME AND PROVIDE THE ALCOHOL!
30% sure Kevin and I just adopted a cat. Talk to me when the sun's up but I really feel like that's a thing.
Which is worse that I came in public or that no one noticed?
That confirms what we've all known all along. I'm a bad gay. I have no fashion sense.
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