so that girl updated her facebook status as "had the worst night ever last night"
um, i could be wrong but i think it might've had something to do with mark drunkenly screaming about her unibrow right in front of her
Did we have sex last night or did we just wake up naked covered in oil?
And if not, hey- I've never had a restraining order before, so that will be cool
It could be our claim to fame
Done. I'll pack a cooler.
His dick looked like E.T.'s finger. It scared me.
i'm so sad bro, I can't get any pussy. I'm so sad
Because it is about to snow, I sent him for Diet Coke and cigarettes. It's the gay version of milk and bread.
I cannot believe I said bareback movement...
I know it's pride week, but your asshole is just never supposed to taste like banana.
i am bringing shame upon my ancesors with my weak liver valhalla will never accept me
He bought a sex swing! He's building the playground of my dreams!!!!
When my parents ask if I met any nice guys in California, I'm going to answer, "No, but I have gone home with alot of nice girls". Too much, too soon?
We will go to karaoke
Okay, well, i'm covered in paint, haven't showered & have already been drinking, so if I fall on the floor in a blaze of depeche mode & beer tears, you can't pretend you don't know me
WE'RE NOT MAKING A DICK PIZZA OKAY
You are in my phone as "Thigh Gap" and you apparently work for "DO NOT DRUNK TEXT, INC." That is why I called you six times last night. So unless you take a second job at "NO DRUNK DIALING LLC" expect more. PS I am sober so this is legit.
DIBS on your mom for my beer pong partner.
Randomize
