I thought it was weird that her dad told me to finish and get out after he walked in on us. I like him
jusi got death stares at taco bell because I asked if Denise was working.
I just saw a fat chick walking across campus talking to herself and licking her lips. Diet season is scary.
I JUST REALIZED HOW SOFT YOUR TABLE IS! and I also just started rolling
IDK who she called, but some guy came into the party, flying drop kicked Joe said never again. She has to invite him around again.
I feel like every picture I upload of him on facebook where you can see his purity ring, I should make the caption "something in this picture does not belong"
she said she walked into the kitchen and i was sitting ass naked on the floor chugging her parents vodka.
The bar tenders gave me the number for a "taxi"... It's just a dude with a van. In retrospect, pretty sketchy. Robert was cool though.
Have a glass of wine with dinner they said. Your hydrocodone has worn off they said... NOPE
I have need of you to return home with haste, as I require the magical capsules you possess to relieve the posterior pain I am living. I battle this demon with stubborn grit, however I feel that defeat is on the horizon.
Saw two pregnant women at court today and I SWEAR one of them said "we had a threesome with this random guy and he got both of us pregnant."
Dick very happy bro
At least he's enough of a gentleman to not make me do the walk of shame dressed as Santa.
I had to take on your role as drunk idiot....I have no idea how you do it so well and so regularly. That shit is exhausting.
So here I am, sexting at work.
Randomize