A homeless man in dtwn SF was blasting lil wayne and singing at the top of his lungs. I kinda wanted to give him my life savings
what do 4 police cars, 1 ambulence, and 2 fire truycks have in common?.... My driveway
sounds like you fell off the wagon.
fuck falling off. at this point, the wagon is a dot on the horizon.
We found you on the floor drooling you kept saying over and over how you were double jointed.
we spent fifteen minutes trying to convince you that you weren't locked inside of your car
I'm pretty sure I swallowed a whole condom
Just got our of the shower. I'm standing naked in front of my open windows cause fuck my neighbors that's why
as he was fingering me, all I was thinking about was how lucky his girlfriend is...
He got cut off by the bartender. So he kept buying people drinks of they would i get him a drink. Before you know it him and 8 people were outside the bat trying to get people. To by them drinks
Mistakes were made. Hot mistakes that I want to make again. But tapping your employee is def a mistake. Esp in front of two other employees.
So many gingers... It's like a beacon went out that said "this one is ok with red hair"
I mostly blame me being such a miserable fuck on the fact that I was born on a Monday.
This fucking storm better not ruin my sex plans this weekend
well, shes hot as hell, but she does keep saying she's the president of the loch ness monster's fan club, so that's kinda a red flag...
There are twenty eight units in that building. There has to be at least one heterosexual in it. You can't have fucked your way through all of it.
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